- Sergey Rosedkin -
		p r about z and
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The Russian Bell, 2007, № 1. The Tambov The almanac, 2007, №3.	February The story Has woken its phone call. For Saturday morning — in nesusvetnuju wound: there was a beginning of the eighth. And it only just, all to steam of hours to that, also has dozed off, expecting not to come back in this world at least hours to ten. Wanted razdrazhitsja and chertyhnutsja, but there and then a wave of rising rage has muffled, has covered with itself a shaft of burning all-consuming melancholy. It, not opening eyes, has spent a hand near to itself(himself) — is empty … Is better not to wake up! Phone did not stop. It has to the touch reached a tube laying near to a headboard on a chair, has pressed the reception button. The aerial probe has rested against a pillow, prevented to press phone to an ear. But it was audible well: — Alexey Alekseevich? She is the neigbour from above, polina Innokentevna! Well besides pipes in a bathroom jingle! You that, do not hear? I call, I call in zhilkontoru, but they and to listen to me do not want! Certainly, who will listen to the pensioner! Alexey Alekseevich, you are obliged to call! You should press on them — with your authority! The head is ill me from this jingle!. Trying to speak silently, has promised: — Well, polina Innokentevna, I will call, do not worry … Has disconnected a tube, has inertly thought: «Yes-a-a, me your cares …» And suddenly, as it happened to it time and again recently, he has thought suddenly, has as though regained consciousness, has come up on a surface from a whirlpool depressuhi and apathy. Yes that it I, how the old man, really?! It has opened resolutely eyes, vigorously just as in the childhood, has pounded their fists, was pulled to a crunch in joints, for an instant has clung faced to the next pillow, inhaling a native exciting smell, has cast away a blanket and is direct so, stark naked, has sliped on kitchen. In a hall, for an instant having seen the reflexion in a mirror, has grinned, ironically, but also not without complacency: certainly, the naked fifty-almost-that-three-year muzhik with the «sideways a bow» against a refrigerator in itself a figure comic, but basically to it nothing to hesitate for the present — looks "is quite profitable" … Still! After all not only for brains has grown fond of it Alinka — the idiot old, overtaken it on a life without small for thirty years … Trying inadvertently not to tinkle, it has put a teapot on a ring, has switched on gas, has prepared glasses: in Alinkin has put a bag with its liked green tea, in the — pair of spoons of coffee and sugar. While the teapot began to boil — stood, thought. Quarrel has overnight arisen, as it and happens, because of anything, because of a full trifle. Well in any way it does not manage to bridle jealousy, to cease to splash out the foolish suspiciousness. Has seen on its page on "Stihire" among responses the silly message all from the same Zamzueva from Moscow («Greetings, Alinka! Thanks for a congratulation on the Valentine's day and for a virtual kiss! And you whole! About last your verses I will dump impressions on soap — wait …»), and terribly it was not pleasant to it, that it obshchaetsja-kisses muzhiks at least and in the Internet. After all promised, swore: any more will not be!. Has come to an end that guilty has made it, has come off bed, has left in other room, has calmed down there. The door, the truth, has left opened wide open (it rose at night specially, has looked), but on its appeals to return, reconcile at all has not wished necessary to answer-react … All is silly it, certainly! From its party. Has found too to whom to be jealous: to ohlamonu stihoplyotstvujushchemu from the Internet … narevnovatsja should to satiety. From their three years of the general with Alina of a life only the first half a year in this plan were almost absolutely cloudless. It was still married former marriage, they saw by fits and secretly, but he knew literally every minute her lives, each step — she both by phone, and in mails, and at meetings especially in detail, willingly and with joyful readiness reported on it, explained: Where was, with whom, that did, about what spoke … to It was ridiculous to recollect now how once it was jealous it of the boy in the next Budyonnovsk where they went together for literary evening, and it to this boy of the beginning, having turned pink for pleasure and as it pochudilos-pomnúlos, from excitation, to sign the collection of verses to dictate it the phone … It then, on a return way to a minibus where, except them, there were still people, declared to it whistling whisper, that she behaved as the cocotte (a mot what has dug out!), that all and all between them is terminated, that he is more to see and the nobility does not wish it … It, seriously having turned pale, has seized to it a jacket sleeve (there was too a February, almost same, 18‑е, number!) and a voice shivering from tears begged: cease, do not kill me, I without you cannot live!. Then they could not come off all remained evening from each other, their lips have swelled from kisses, embraces were neistovy, oaths and recognitions are hot … And then, when there has come terrible time of struggle against Destiny when she has decided, that it together not to be, that they not the pair each other and to it is better to leave at once and sharply, it could have suffered much to the full a bitter potion of jealousy. Alinka (it Alinka!) it has started taskatsja-be confused to any gophers, to fuck with them, at times not spending the night at all at home, and he called to it home, irritating parents, searched … With one of patsanchikov it even has gone in the summer on the south, fantasmagorichno and severely having carried out their winter joint dream … And so at once and completely they could not leave, suspend relations, at times even appeared in the general bed, and it had cruelty to let out to it details of the adulteries-adventures, up to the most intimate — what way copulated with the next gopher, how much time … As if revenged it for its treachery, their love … The teapot has started to whistle, he hardly has had time to switch off gas, to muffle whistle. Has poured boiled water in both glasses, has put them on zhostovsky a tray, has got from the first-aid set on a wall a validol tablet (for "Orbitom" with mint to come back in a room it would not be desirable), pososal, holding a tray on the extended hands and having thrown for humour a towel on a hand, has given to the person corresponding expression of the enamoured waiter and has gone to a small room. There to its look in the light of growing ripe solar morning the illustration to Ivan Alekseevicha Bunin's verses has appeared: … It laid on a back, Nude having doubled breasts, And it is silent, as water in a vessel, There was its life in a dream … It even has faltered, has fallen asleep for a second. Good land! from love and tenderness it would be desirable to cry … Cautiously having put a tray on a window sill, it has bent down, has clung a mouth to its children's lips, has given smacking kiss and has there and then slipped downwards, has covered we will kiss the left breast, has bitten slightly teeth there and then responded to the caress, strained pink butonchik. It has opened eyes, has smiled happily, has twisted his head with hands, has pressed to the body, has whimsically stretched: — You of that? — That, that! — he has murmured hushfully, not lifting the person. — To be reconciled has come, here that! Tea bush? — Bush, bush! — she has burst out laughing. — only later … Go to me! It has lifted eyes. In the mornings it in general was always especially perfect, and when smejalas-smiled!. It has rejected a blanket, has seized it on hands, has pressed violently to itself. — Have gone there, there — it is better!. In the big room it cautiously and slowly though all already shivered from excitation, has laid it on wide matrimonial bed, has hung over it, has sensually and gently covered with kisses the person, a neck, breasts and, not in forces it is more to restrain, slowly, has cautiously entered into it, not tearing off a sight from the person. It all has strained, curved towards to it, has accepted in itself up to the end and has blissful moaned — both time, and … It has found the second in itself(himself) any supernatural forces to constrain explosion, to keep away the moment of loss of consciousness, to prolong this improbable condition of physical happiness … Once, in those the first half a year of their general life, it found extreme pleasure in all new and new «bed adventures», aspiring to test with this young girl absolutely from another, unchained, generations all nuances of sensual joys up to most, apparently, perverted, and it with hunting met half-way all its desires. But here now, when there was it its lawful wife before the God and people, anything was not more perfect for it here than such ardent classical affinity (especially in the morning and after quarrel) — natural, beautiful and in something chaste. She with desperate groan has moved to it towards, has nestled violently a bosom, he has felt-has felt, as it was overflowed by a wave of sweet spasms, and itself was at the very same time floated-zabarahtal in whirlpool of violent pleasure … After a quarter of hour Alina after calming down embraces and not so coherent conversation on insults-pardons has buried the person to it in a shoulder and has started to snuffle quietly, occasionally moving and childly prichmokivaja in a dream gubyoshkami. Still! Since the evening has cried at ease, too half-nights did not sleep. It easily pressed liked to itself(himself), gently touched fingers vysvetlennye locks of its boyish hairdress and thought-reflected of a forthcoming bottom. Hour through two they will rise, will have breakfast. Most likely — here so, stark naked (both it, and it were at heart nudists). Then, possibly, will work till a dinner. It behind a table on the computer will pack definitively chapters of the new book about Dostoevsky — it is necessary to send it to publishing house already in couple of weeks. Alinka in the blacked out computer glasses doing it adult and is touching-serious, it will be arranged on a sofa with the laptop, having bitten from pressure and importance has put a lip, will be nastukivat the foreword to the collection of poetry young which to it have charged to make and prepare for the edition. From time to time she, despite an interdiction, whether begins to call to him and to ask to listen on hearing to that other phrase — whether so? So, so — it will calm, not paltering: it was very talented and wrote, give the God to everyone! It is interesting, what from it, its girl, will be to years to forty? For certain from it will grow new Fransuaza Sagan or Marina Tsvetaeva … Alas, to it never it to learn — it has suddenly slid off in a tightened whirlpool of unnecessary thoughts. And as it is grateful to it that she has presented to it a slice of the life-destiny, having prolonged that its youth! It has raised a head, has turned to it sleeping, has again felt sweet languor from inescapability of its young beauty. In a window even through curtains the February sun first for last two weeks violently and uncontrollably made the way, shining a thin transparent skin liked. It has carefully spent fingers on its cheek, lips as if trying to remember darling shape, has leant back backwards and has closed eyes, clamping rising combustible and absolutely unnecessary tears … How much this happiness will last? My God, only longer! Behind a window there was a February, second half. For someone — the end of winter; for someone — the beginning-predveste of spring and infinite summer. 2006
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© Rosedkin Sergey Nikolaevich, 2001
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