- Sergey Rosedkin -
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THE DRUNK Part 1 The chapter III P. 3	The chapter III As I have gone mad 1 Arkashi houses were not. On a table the started bottle of the Georgian cognac, a plate with the feast rests flaunted. I otmok in a hot bath, have drunk a half-glass "Aragvi", have swallowed a slice of cheese and have fallen heavily in bed. Wished to dream a little, but was not in time — so landslide I broke in a dream precipice only on the first year in army. I have regained consciousness in the deep evening from a dialect and laughter. The window is already violet grew dim. The desk lamp burnt only. At a table sat Arkasha with two passions. They clinked glasses, had a snack, mercilessly smoked and poisoned jokes. — Represent, — Arcady, — the husband in doors, and it — up with feet … Ha-ha has sprinkled! The Hardware-s-s … He has tried to muffle the uterine laughter and fun of the balabolok, has looked back on my corner. I wished to frown, but a happiness overabundance kolyhnulsja in a shower how wine in a glass, in ears still ringed — from a dream, whether that? — A name Lena. — Anything, Arkash, — I have vigorously told, stretching, — I do not sleep any more. If ladies allow, I, from their permission, will jump in trousers. — Lena, Bringing down! — Arcady has ordered. — and well for a case on pair minutes! See, a companion-ch hesitates. Lena?. Well and well! — Yes will suffice you, — I have besieged Arkashu. — Girls, turn away and — all affairs. The little girls thrashing on me of an eye, giggling, have turned away. However, that giggled, that, like, Bringing down — pampushechka with the red mane dismissed on shoulders. The second — small, thin, with a short dark hairdress-penalty — has only hemmed. Then, when, already having put on and having rinsed under the crane, I have sat down by a table for a minute, I have made out, that at this Lena — same enormous expressive and too grey eyes, the truth, one of them, left, is much more dark than another. Bad, speak, a sign — demonic. However, it when eyes at all multi-coloured, here variations of shades of the same is perfect-grey colour. Hair and a face form of this Lena raznili it with that, and that I would be frightened to such similarity. At this the person was more thin, with sharp cheekbones, and lips hardly are greased, indistinctly outlined. And more this Lena was more tiny mine: in black velveteen trousers and a white polo-neck, with hardly an appreciable line of a breast, it was looked by the boy. — Get acquainted, — has presented Arkasha, are ours, zhurfakovskie, from the first course. Valjuha — mine zemljachka almost, from Norilsk. And Lenochka — from nice chernozyomnogo hailstones Baranova. I do not know, the truth where this dostoslavnyj the hailstones of Rams cost. Where, lenus? — Between Moscow and Paris — it is time the nobility pjatikursniku university, — Lena has told it strictly, without a smile shade. — Well, here and again reprimand! — has pretended, as if it was embarrassed lanky fellow Arcady. — Lenchik, you after all only eighteen years — not be such strict, and! Eighteen?. Something mnogovato coincidence. I have drunk to cognac, have got accustomed to it more attentively. It is strange, why I did not meet her at faculty? Though, however, at us on each course studied on 250 geniuses of a feather of both sexes so and not all classmates the friend to the friend closely knew. Yes what there to speak about others, even if eminent Vlad Listev (upokoj the Lord his soul!) has not sunk down personally to me in memory. When I uvidal it in some years in a telebox the beginnings painfully to remember: where I could see it "vzgljadovtsa"? Fathers, yes we with it odnokorytniki, on one course — the truth, in different groups — studied all five years. Even in one collective photo near we stand. It then yet had no glory and has not amputated the basic semantic part of the name, was ordinary Vladislav … «Abruptly little girls begin, — I have thought, looking on their reddened persons, sigaretiny in bright red mouths. — it is interesting, which of them Arkashkina? Or — both?. He like puhljavyh prefers … And lines! To me that …» I still kljuknul "Aragvi" for health generous Arkashi, for beauty of well-educated ladies and — have said goodbye. More correctly — has retired. How much it is, of course, possible in a unique room. I was attached in the niche to a bedside table, have exposed a back to boarding idlers, have lighted to a resock, have opened a writing-book and have begun to give vent on a paper the letter to Sevastopol. Lena, my Lena, still suffered-grieved at this time in the stuffy car, I imagined its bottomless eyes, its darlings the chubby, accurately outlined lips, transparent fingers with golubenkimi zhilochkami and tiny nogotochkami, shone by a rozovo-nacreous celebratory varnish … I wrote how I have already become bored of it as I already wait I will not wait the following meeting as I am obligatory, I will by all means come tearing along to Sevastopol on fast already Novogode as we leave, keeping for hands, on coast violent and gloomy in the winter of the sea, and there I will throw in waves the whole handful pjatialtynnyh and ten-kopeck coins to return to Crimea necessarily, to return for ever — to the sea, to it, to Lena. To the future happiness and pleasure of home life … Behind the back undertook to play cards. — Vadim! — Arcady has exclaimed gnuslivo podpjanevshy. — well throw you the literary trash — in the newspaper you will be written on a throat. Go to us — Lenke the partner does not suffice. — Lag behind, pohabnik! — half in jest, but it is angry I have waved away. — Yes not in that sense, — gogotnul orjasina moustached, — in maps the partner is necessary, while only in maps. — Do not stick to the person, — the voice of this Lena with hardly was heard by appreciable jeer. — you do not see, the person writes the letter to the bride — business serious. Here the reptile Arcady — all has already stirred up! I have decided not to react. It was in a pointed manner inclined over a writing-book, it was fenced off from cynics by a hump. No, nevertheless it is interesting: really Arkashka with both?. Lines s that again in a head climbs! I nevertheless have added the letter. The ending, the truth, has crumpled, what for has mentioned and about the different maidens, stirring to concentrate, and has said goodbye a kiss. Has sealed, the address has inscribed … What now to do — not to sleep again to be filled up? Especially, also it would be desirable to drink-have a snack still. Has sat down by a table. Our room has already turned in koptilnju — guests pitched not slabzhe us. I, for some reason with pity, have thought: «Eh, after all and breasts still are not present normal, and there — a cigarette behind a cigarette». By the way, at mine Lenochki, despite symmetry and even leanness of a figure, a breast it sformirovalas quite-was poured, is I marked a greedy look when we with it bathed in Sevastopol, and, признáюсь, during the moments of exciting kisses and embraces already here, in Moscow, I gave vent to the hands … Soon Arkasha, having got last bottle — already dry, "Rkatsiteli", — has begun to wink at me frankly: a pier, create conditions — props up. — Already late, — I have looked on hours, — if whom to spend it is necessary, I am ready to play a role of the gallant gentleman. Bringing down with laughter has seized in Arkashku: — And we here still posumernichaem! I have gone to see off Lena. It paced ahead of me on a corridor of the strange — dancing — gait. So models on a podium go. My God, the boy the boy. I am far not kalancha, growth most that on there is an average, but also that almost on a head above this girl. Shoes of its 33rd size on heels at all did not ennoble it. In a belt — to intercept fingers of one hand it is possible. Yes it, probably, also not tselovannaja! I fairly spent her on the third floor, was going to to say goodbye and pass on a half-hour in a winter garden — while at Arcady the first heat will not die away. But Lena suddenly from under eyelashes has long looked to me in eyes. — We will come? At us with Valej anybody — neigbours for a holiday porazehalis. I fluctuated painfully and long — seconds ten. She even has grinned. — And why and not to come — especially, home me now will not start up, — I have thoughtlessly grinned, and inside, in dark my core, something istomno, is sweet and disturbing have moved. Lena has unlocked a door. We have entered. — By the way, to drink will be — you want? — She has efficiently asked. — Give! — I was delighted: there is no the best solvent of complexes, than is green ό wine. The mistress has got a bottle of branded Crimean port from a bedside table. In podvzdohe at me has jammed. I silently unpacked wine, have poured on glasses — almost full. — For what? — Lena has asked, continuing steadfastly into me to peer. We sat next on its bed standing in a niche, in the same way, as well as washing, but I — ten floors is closer to the sky. — For love, — I have angrily grinned. — For love — with pleasure! — the little girl has grinned, has tinkled the glass about mine and, not coming off, has decanted. I what for looked-observed, how wine streams-pulses on its transparent-white throat, has exhaled air and a volley, is resolute zaglotil the sweet drink which has incorporated generosity and exciting force Crimean podsevastopolskogo of the sun. Has not passed also five minutes painfully crumpled by abrupt conversation as we again with greed have dropped to glasses — us as if unquenchable thirst tormented. The head washing was turned all more strongly. As and before it has been already vipito-is swallowed fairly … No, I will not palter also all to dump on notorious and rastrekljatogo zmija — despite zabaldelost and drunk euphoria, I remember all to last trifle. And as we have for the first time kissed — greedy, is insatiable, to a pain … And as it is fussy, being jerked from impatience, I from myself broke belongings, and it — is already perfect naked — laid under a blanket, looked at me on-cat's shone in twilight glazishchami … And as I groaned-pristanyval in sweet languor, giving vent in children's still its bosom the juice which has overflowed me of desire … And as it at all childly, confidently executed a melody of sensual, carnal love, amazing me skill of movements, splashing out the passion in voluptuous shameless plaints … I remember all! And now, after almost fifteen long years, clearly I see, how in a hurry put on, got on on myself pants and trousers, already at daybreak, and it laid tired, having closed eyes; as I have startled-has lifted from bed Arkashku with its insatiable patlatoj a prowaggon; as whipped itself under a shower boiled water and shouted to itself in all voice under noise of water furious water: — The swine! A reptile! Bljad you rasposlednjaja and a pig! Dirty vile cattle!. I shouted, spat on myself tasty harchkami and more raged because, that at involuntary memoirs on the last night, on a body of this Lena, on its groans and embraces more, I felt-felt a hot prick of inescapable voluptuousness in a back brain. Sharply having jerked the shower switch, I have frozen-has cooled myself under ice falls, then was pounded to a redness, to grazes by a terry towel, have put on, have seized the sealed letter and have rushed off on mail. — Vadik, — kvaknul because of a case the tired voice Arcady, — take something on opohmelku, and! Grandmas are? — Will suffice to drink! — I have bellowed already from a threshold and sadanul very much a door. 2 In a week we lived in a room four together. Arkashka with Valej — behind a case; we with Lena — in my niche. I was worthless, painful, is very enamoured to Lena. I without it could not live. There is such improbable, mad heat of passion when not in a condition without the liked person to live and to hour, pine in melancholy. We left only for the period of lectures yes seminars, and that not always — or have run from them, or did not go to school at all. Lena has literally stunned me. And — not only in bed. It was suddenly found out, that it medalistka. And in general — it is clever and obrazovanna not on age and not on a floor. It, for example, with unusual ease and without any dictionaries rasshchyolkivala five minutes a crossword puzzle over which I broke brains hour whole. It distinguished Borches from Marquez, in the original understood Kiplinga and Oldingtona, could read an impromptu lecture about neo-realism at cinema or about postimpressionism in painting … Besides she has begun to feed-overfeed me hot house suppers from half-finished products of next "Cookery", has connected to me of week for three, for four wonderful sweater with deaf modnjachim a collar and the beginnings me, the gigolo newly appeared, to supply with the cigarettes which chronic shortage tormented me more strongly any hang-over. In a word, Lena it would be possible to name perfection, if not two — only two, but essential — a lack: she did not write verses and extremely, to a limit, it has cynically appeared emancipated. She what for hurried up to live, drove the horses at a gallop. And horses in a chariot of its Destiny were yet horses — foals … However, month two I lived as in the child: to its emancipation to me and affairs were not, for it showed this emancipated relaxedness only with me. She has fallen in love with me, as a cat. More precisely also you will not tell. So these one and a half-two month have merged for us in one continuous passionate embrace. Not a life — continuous hot orgazm. Now to me even wildly to recollect other episodes. What for, for example, I have shown it the letter from Sevastopol. She it, sitting stark naked on my bed and having crossed on-tatarski feet, read aloud and with a laughter, shaking swelled up a little grudkami, made comments: — «Hi, swarty my angel!» In gives, and! «… You have named me at farewell“ my girl ”— as I am happy!.» You that, the truth so it have named? The villain and a hypocrite! Ha-ha! «… For God's sake, do not forget me!.» Ogo — it is strong! «… I know — words will explain nothing, but all the same I will write them: I like you!.» Is not present, look only. What youth has gone now — any bashfulness: in love speak! And here that? So-so … «… Though I am not able, and nevertheless whole …» That — and the truth is not able to kiss? Ha-ha-ha! As to in-that-res th! Oh Th, here also rhymes are: really itself mamzel writes-composes? “What do all words what mean mean? Let all words will sink into a non-existence … In crowd has flashed fantastic good luck The person similar a few yours … ” — Yes ive, we will directly tell — not Ahmatova, not Tsvetaeva and at all Akhmadullina, but something is … — Well, will suffice! — I at last have pulled out the letter from her hands. — to you as to the friend has shown, and you! — To the friend? — It has bitten. — you in me, my darling, jealousy vozzhech want — that's all. But I warn: I — am not jealous, of a tickling I am not afraid. You want, though with Valkoj trahnis … The key at doors has just rung out and in a room have become hollow Valentina with Arkashej, loaded with convolutions from buffet. Lena also has not thought to be covered completely, has only put a pillow on knees, has begun to smoke a cigarette. — Hey, Valjuha, Vadim you to try wants. Go to us, undress. Valka, the silly woman, pribaldela, has screamed: — Oh, that you, Arkashenka will not allow me! — Will allow, will allow, I while Arkashu will kiss yours. Arkashka, the stub sazhennyj, thrashed eyes on pink sosochki Lena. — All to cease! — I have shouted in furiousness. — rasshutilis here!. Arcady, is at you that to drink? At Arkashi was. Then have still run-have added — has twirled pjanka unexpectedly. I drank both saws, and saws, aspiring to find balance more likely. I saw, I felt, I guessed — it not very much and joked. From it becomes and four together pokuvyrkatsja in one bed … I had already a presentiment of the death. As I have already enquired-has scratched from it recognitions, ispovedal she in last sins — me since the days first still awfully was tormented by its this bed multiexperience. Lena also was not going to anything to hide, told willingly. It appears, it has lost innocence in fifteen years. And its first temper was the stepfather who only twice and has overtaken it aged and was at mother the third husband. And, the stepdaughter, the first, vljubilas-vtjurilas in new father so no rape between them existed. Mother has found them once during the juiciest moment — a daughter nearly has not killed on a place, povyryvala to it half of curls, and that blockhead-seducer vyshibla away, despite obvious puzatost. But Lena already rasprobovala a sweet and sinful fruit. It appears, its small hrupenkoe a little body — a perennial spring of vigorous pleasure. However, she knew about it for a long time already, but only after lessons of the sinner of the stepfather has realised quite, what huge role is played by the help of the partner in this dizzy ecstasy. At it it has appeared the following the neighbour in a summer residence, kursantik military school. He had a rest at parents, went on a site in the bulged swimming trunks, secretly glancing on Lena sunbathing at between beds. The person at it thoroughly was covered with a hat, the body generously opened from under two strips of a matter and to the sun, and junkerskomu to a burning look. The boy this, short-haired and with pink ears so also it was satisfied with secret peeping, continually retiring, for pressure removal, in a per capita box if the initiative was incurred by Lena. It during convenient deserted time has dragged the future valorous defender of fatherland on a verandah of the summer residence and has raped. They plaid about-played love of week two, but this Anika-soldier has seemed to Lena such tupogolovym, is more correct (in its spirit a pun) — tupogolovkim, that she has not wanted continuation of the country novel though that and was served-studied in the same place, in Baranove. And in the tenth class it had a rough history with the teacher of physics. In the evening, on an open classroom, they spent-did any experience and perezhgli stoppers. In darkness kromeshnoj this Bojl, this Mariott baranovsky, searching for a door, has casually come across Lena, has unintentionally embraced, any unknown chain, and a desire current instantly sotrjas they has become isolated be teachers and schoolgirls — bodies. While other boys-little girls fussed, arquebuses, searched for fire, this Faradej, this Ohm general educational and Lena were in time so natselovatsja, natiskatsja and to be excited, that have hardly waited then a solitude and have arranged short circuit of a body — have copulated … I tried to listen to all these pornomemoirs of Lena as it is possible otstranyonnee, more cleverly, hladnokrovnee: well, was so was … Besides, can, it and prisochinjaet — from it becomes. I pitched a cigarette behind a cigarette and extended-exhausted from it all new mean details. Especially rezanul me to liking last it memuar. I secretly hoped: well here, in Moscow, in DASe, I at it the first and razedinstvennyj. Where there! It is literally for the second morning new obshchagovskoj lives from it there was a very strange incident in the spirit of "Decameron". It was occupied in a room the first, one slept. Suddenly at a dawn any unknown force has pulled down-has lifted it from bed, it as if the sleep-walker — blindly, with foggy consciousness, — has passed with the extended hands to a door, has turned a key, has opened. On a corridor by there passed this second the huge guy. It, opeshenyj, has fallen asleep: in an aperture of the dissolved door has arisen and manjashche the maiden figure in absolutely transparent night rubashonke to knees has stood. It, too as if instinctively, silently has picked up it on hands, has slammed behind itself a heel a door, has informed the sleeping beauty to warm still to bed. When Lena has definitively woken up, it was shaken already with convulsions orgazma, and the semiundressed bear on it growled from unexpected pleasure … So Lena has in an original way met the future head of the course. — Yes I know this your head — a bull very heavy! — I have jumped. — you that, and now with it? — Will suffice you! — Lena has waved away. — also was at us all time three. It the married muzhik, and too healthy — it is opposite with it. — It healthy, or at it healthy? — kislo I have grinned, catching for a cigarette. — Here and more anything I will not tell! You the cynic and pohabnik! — she has become angry suddenly, has turned away to a wall, has pulled together from me a blanket. Well, I never! I have gloomy finished smoking a cigarette in loneliness, have reflected on complexities and paradoxes of a life, bezrazmernosti and windings of female soul. Has looked at hours — soon Arcady from a disco privalit yes, can, and not one. It has completely quarrelled one of these days with Valjuhoj and searched to it for replacement. I have sighed, have dipped a stub and have nestled to very narrow devchonochej my Manon Lescaut's to back. It for blezira has pulled time two shovels as if and has become angry, but I persistently made the way and made the way on deaf persons undercover tropochkam, awoke-disturbed in it everything, that it is possible to awake and disturb in the woman, and — have achieved the. All quarrels, irritations, conventions, jealousy, interdictions and nonsenses razletelis-were scattered in small splashes, there was only a hot, boiling haze of pleasure. We loved each other. 3 I have started to feel its change as casually, any twenty eighth feeling. Though certain knew nothing. But foolish any thoughts in a head climbed. I felt something and was angry. Calmnesses, by itself, that Lena of borders of decencies at all did not observe did not add and even the nobility did not wish any restrictions. As it also that got up in bed — seldom in what even the most unbridled pornofilm will see. I at times even became hysterical also all tried to humiliate, confuse her more strongly, inventing whims, — it only pristanyvala is louder from pleasure. Any more not knowing as to think up, I once, in a sunny day, have uncovered old "Kiev", have pulled together from it a blanket and in a semijoke have offered: well, what — popoziruesh? And it, not being confused at all, has begun to expose in a passionless objective the grudyoshki with kopeechkami nipples, a strip intimate dark hair, a children's navel, accurate doll popku. I clicked a shutter, removed a shot behind a shot, and itself with melancholy and bewilderment thought: what for, well what for she it allows?. Accident has begun on Friday evening, in the first days of session. Lena lapped in a bath. Quite often we together bathed and washed not so much, how much plaid about yes caressed. But this time on me has rolled-has gushed inspiration, I have taken a great interest, have bustled to give vent to pressing verses on a paper. The cigarette has gone out. I have started a hand in pocket Leninogo zhaketika in search of a lighter and have got combined treugolnichkom a sheet of paper. The first thought: the note — me, Lena has forgotten to give. It, happened, scribbled to me at letter lectures. I have developed — the leaf is filled by two different hands. I have started to read. «You the dangerous woman!» — handwriting unfamiliar to me. «Why? — And it already it, Lena, a hand. — I very much would like to understand, why I am now compelled to be broken off between three men — destiny it or that is called“ have seized ”. How you think?» «” Has seized ”it it is rough. Simply mjatushchajasja the woman does not know, that she wants. Really these three such different?» «Yes … One me involves as the beautiful man with the Moscow apartment; the second is clever, undoubtedly talented also much in a life will achieve; the third — oars, is simple, charming and very much wishes to marry. Ah, if all these qualities to unite in one person!. Alas to me! The ideal in the nature does not exist, and on smaller I does not agree.» «Well, whether know! You, Elena Grigorevna, search for the husband or the lover? If lover it is possible to understand., For example, the clever mistress somewhere in Baumansky area of of Moscow too is urgently necessary to me. But if you search for the husband, that, excuse, with such mercantile approach it is better not to marry …» On it nasty correspondence broke a sheet edge. I jumping hands have cut fire from a lighter and to zahlyoba have taken a sip a bitter smoke. So-so-so!. Well, clever and talented — I … And this Muscovite beautiful? And this merry fellow, probably, too obshchagovsky which to marry very much wants? Moreover this unknown horse-radishes the confessor-moralist from the next school desk … Who they? Yet really it with all them too snoshaetsja? My God, to kill her, whether that?! — Vadja, Arkashki is not present? — Its innocent voice was heard. — No, — prosipel I also have cleared the throat. It left a bath naked, having thrown a shirt my, used instead of a dressing gown, through a shoulder and continuing to dry hair a towel. — U-uf and zharishcha! Well, has picked up a rhyme to a "rose" word? I looked in its shameless eyes, trying not to see its naked body, and could not say words. I have suddenly felt-has understood — I can even begin to cry. I silently have stretched it an obscene leaf. It took its two fingers, has looked, hardly was confused and has thrown on a table. — Well also what? The Person, the person has made — Othello! Yes you that, Vad, absolutely the loony, yes? Jokes you do not understand? There was nothing on consultation, here and was amused, thought out everyone … Give better a cigarette. I have crumpled almost full pack of "Java", shmjaknul about a floor. — Who. Such. This. The Muscovite. With apartment. And?! — Cease! — she already has seriously asked, pulling hasty clothes. — I thought — you more cleverly. — No! Not-e-et! — I have roared, sufficing it for a shoulder, squeezing iron stones. — you will tell to me all! Who this "charming" groom? Who, I ask, well?! Still hardly and I in a life would strike for the first time the woman a fist on the person. I hated it to furiousness. But here in a room Arcady has flown. — About, sorry! — it has pretended, as if was embarrassed. Lena, slowly, reeling a back, has pulled up to the end trousers, has contemptiously hemmed: — Anything, Arkash, Vadim Nikolaevich not from jealous — look at health. However, I am already cunning. A buzzing baj, May of lavas, a buzzing baj! And — has left. I at already slammed door have shouted a falsetto: — A S-S-bough! — All of them — suki, — Arcady has philosophically concluded and has offered. — well, what, it would be necessary to be thrown off? Something melancholy and scandalously on a shower. Arkashke recently did not carry with women: after the Valki-prowaggon it and could not while to pick up to itself(himself) the partner to liking and for a body. Uh and nadryzgalis we with it that evening — before position of copes. In drunk charcoal fumes I, remember, is fat regotal and screamed for pleasure: a pier, here it — freedom! And that absolutely a head has lost, the fool! Yes would be because of whom! SHljushka malomernaja! Akseleratka with the diagnosis — furiousness of a uterus! The prostitute juvenile!. — Takosi, takosi! — it is not clear on what dialect it was assented-agreed Arkasha. — Arcady, the friend! — I cried out, embracing a companion. — we should think of the diploma! It is time to be excused with this brothel by name of DAS!. Yes-with, Arcady, and? Yes-with? — Takosi, takosi! — already warm Arcady who in any way was not perceiving my remarkable pun murmured. «Lines from it! Start up with whom wants fucks!» — I have soberly thought, failing in a drunk charcoal dream. Happiness not in trahe! 4 And in general — the person the smith of the happiness! I have been so enraged and seriously adjusted, that, opohmelivshis since morning pivkom, carefully laid up Arkashej, have run on mail and have sent to the editor of "Glory of Sevastopol» the dispatch: «I ASK to SEND the DEMAND FOR my DISTRIBUTION YOUR NEWSPAPER Vadim NEUSTROYEV». When I came back in a hostel, having taken in shopping centre "Черёмушки" a large bottle of the Crimean port, I have faced on watch it, with Lena. I have braided myself, have crumpled, have forced to pass by and silently. It has stopped was, but has there and then hitched up a nose and zatsokala heels of boots, cunningly, not looking back. However, my head during that moment was broken off still, besides a hang-over, and from other care. I have poured to friend Arcady a full glass kind portvesha and have asked to leave me on hour or so of one. It was necessary — to write the hardest business the letter to that Lena. I, as last svintus, cowardly have not answered its two messages, all delayed. More than that, it has called me on negotiations, I have not gone … As now? What to write? How to be justified? After all it was delusion. After all I was not going to to marry this?. No, certainly! All the same sooner or later all would come to an end … To me that is necessary, that Lenochka! The darling, native!. And what if to write, as if urgently home went — there misfortune … And what there, at home, happens?. Still nakarkaju! No, it is necessary to write all as is. Lena, that Lena, it the clear head and at it heart clever. She will understand and will excuse. At it smothering — angelic … How to write?. When the large bottle has become empty, in a head at me was created to spheres-burum, and on a sheet of paper — lines. Good, tomorrow negotiations I will reserve — by phone to speak easier. Or here that: rvanu after session to Sevastopol and — all affairs! Became hardly uravnovesistee on a shower, and here and friend Arcady has appeared in time with any new chuvihoj, zagomoshilsja an acquaintance holiday to arrange, money from a purse has got. Well, I have agreed to walk to shop while these голубкú will more close meet. Then we drank. This little girl — Anzhelika like? — Already exhausted from Arkashi kisses all juice, I lobzanija approved-welcomed them. They soon a jog trot have jerked in a toilet-bathroom — so it nevterpyozh was impatient, and I have sat down on the (on ours with Lena!) a cot, has clasped a head hands and has thought: well also what?. Tosken and neujut. I have touched something with a heel, have bent down — its old, domashne-obshchagovskie slippers with pompons. Tiny very much — doll. I have seized them, is drunk peering in a darkening print of her foot on a light insole, and have suddenly nestled greedy, have inhaled, searching for a familiar smell, and have started to kiss, kiss, kiss … From a bathroom reached that vskriki, a laughter. I have jerked a case door, have torn off a white shirt from a coat hanger, have tied a tie, have got on a parabottom-day off and a unique suit-three, torknulsja in a bathroom. — Hey, children, interrupt for a minute — me urgently! They have fallen out — reddened, cheerful, excited. — Has propped up? — Friend Arkasha has let down in a beastly way. — Yes well you! — me had no time for jokes. I bystrenko have cleaned a teeth, have carefully brushed the hair also with a decisive step potopal on the third floor. Has knocked in 307th. — Yes, enter, — its voice. I have entered. In a room was two — Lena and any vahlak not combed in the very narrow dark blue points, the patched jeans and a vest with four portraits and an inscription “THE BEATLES”. Lena — in the darling graceful kombinezonchike velveteen. All a rank-chinaryom, is modest — sit, tea drink. She to me suddenly, against expectation, terribly was delighted, has flashed. And I instead of again vzrevnovat and on racks to rise, have rejoiced and have soared. The glass to tea has been offered me. I with ceremonious gratitude have accepted it and, prihlebyvaja this noble drink, have entered secular conversation. Maltsa patlatogo I have knocked down five minutes. He something vjaknul there about existential understanding of a life, has mentioned Jean-Paul Sartre, having flashed thus it is clever ochochkami. Well I also have given out! — And you remember, still Gusserl were not absolutely right, asserting, what the life is existence? I do not quite agree and with Kierkegaard considering a life above existence. And Ortega-AND-gasset denying a life out of existence is completely not right. It seems to me, Montaigne and our blissful memory father Paul Florensky which confirmed is closer to true: the life is a life. I have looked pathetically in eyes ochkariku and have in the affirmative asked: — I hope, you agree? That, the poor fellow, having caught jeer, has become nervous, undertook something to mutter about multidimensionality of philosophy of dialogue. Lena, at all it not hesitating, has approached to me, has clasped a head I wash with hands, has smiled eyes in eyes, is juicy has kissed on the mouth and has pressed faced to a breast. — The clear head you mine! The fellow the moment somewhere has faded. Is what very much wishes to marry?. — Yes well it! — Lena has annoyancely interrupted. — Still milk on lips has not dried … we Will go to you, and that neigbours will now be secured. Arkashi with Anzhelikoj, praise to the Allah, was not. We have undressed, quickly, impatiently as for the first time, and have dived into bed. From pleasure, with happiness, from unexpectedness happened I nearly did not lose consciousness. — Lena! Lenochka, I like you! — I muttered an unusual phrase for myself, and I spoke the truth. When we exhausted, laid, having cast away a blanket, and smoked in darkness, Lena has killed me. — You know … Could not speak, but I will tell: I after all to you have changed. — Ha! Well and jokes! — What jokes, — its voice were firm and equal. — I yesterday, after a concert, that you to me have gone, have awfully become angry, took, and have called that Muscovite with apartment. Its Max call, it from a third year. He on a visit invited for a long time, was glued. Was delighted, certainly. Well, I also have gone. That's all. — As all! — I have jumped up on bed. Its every day tone nonplused me. — you that, are direct then were gave to it? — Why at once. At first to cognac have drunk, then slides have started to look, on a ceiling — have laid down for this purpose … Well and … That you as small! — And parents? — I still did not wish to reconcile. — What parents? To the guy twenty six already — one lives. I have fallen off on a pillow and have begun to breathe, in a cine way, roughly. I did not know, what it is necessary to do — again razbezhatsja-quarrel? — Well, what for, what for? — Itself it is guilty. Consider, once again into a concert to me you will go, I and here rohle Fedjune will be given to it — will know! — But how, how you are going to now, and? Both with that, and with me? — I already fenced-asked any bosh, the head did not think. — Yes for whom you accept me? — It has drawn in lips. — it has appeared the rough and healthy muzhik. You represent, from first time has started to overturn me, behind to be attached … Fie, to recollect oppositely! I have begun to creak teeth, have risen on an elbow, trying to see-consider in dense twilight of her eye. My heart beat from furiousness is already zapredel. To speak something — it is senseless. It is useless. I have again leant back backwards, have narrowed eyes, have squeezed a teeth and have begun zadavlivat-press malicious shameful tears. prokljate! Well me the Destiny with such … such … what for has reduced And has forced it to like … I was understood-was convinced definitively and irrevocably: I like it! Oh, damn both it, and me, but I like it! I like shamefully and clinically. 5 This time the novel our cloudless has not lasted also three days. Drops out at times such rainy day in human life when all goes since morning head over heels yes naperekosjak, and by the evening one affirms as a shower only desire — to hang or veins to open. In the morning, spozaranok, we have quarrelled with Lena because of a trifle: both hurried on faculty, were excited — it me podjazvila, I have admitted to it "silly woman". Have gone to school separately. I this day should hand over offset on scientific communism and examination in history of the Soviet literature. If for examination I did not worry, offset foolish enraged in advance. Well voprosik still that also has, of course, got: «” the Small earth ” L.I.Brezhnev — a new stage in development of the theory and practice of scientific communism». The teacher — the business senior lecturer with a strange surname the Ringlet — at seminars afforded usmeshlivye comments to prepodavaemomu it to a subject, but during sessions it as substituted: to the bore turned, a reptile. I nevertheless have tried otvilnut. — Gennady Semyonovich, — it is confidential, being mown on the second examiner, I have offered, — you know, what I have seen this masterpiece, the maintenance I know — let's time not spend, and? — No, — with uhmylochkoj, but has quite efficiently torn off the Ringlet, — I will ask more in detail and with own conclusions: in what epoch-making value of product of companion Leonid Ilicha Brezhnev consists? The swine the tactical! It was necessary to mumble-retell, remember feats of the colonel-strategist — vymuchivat offset. This foolish «the Small earth» already again has got me! Still when I after the first course passed to practice in factory newspaper ZILa «Moscow avtozavodets», there was a political joke. The person on duty under number is literally for the third day of practice has asked to look-verify me instead of it a print of one strip — to it extremely was impatient to leave in a bar. I also have looked, I and have verified. Just on this page the beginning of this epoch-making masterpiece Soviet sotsrealisticheskoj literatures was squeezed: reprinted «the Small earth» ostensibly under uncountable hot requests of workers of factory. I have begun to read vrezku from edition, and my eyes opoltinilis: «the mediocre participant of the Great Patriotic War companion Leonid Ilich Brezhnev shares the memories …» I have rushed to the chief of department, and that with all the heart vshohotnul: eh supposedly to that you only on journalism faculty learn — village! In the same place the particle will not be — "Direct" — and it, this particle, later, a manual set will insert. "Small lamp" is called on journalistic slenge — remember supposedly studentik … Next day zilovskie hard workers have developed the darling factory newspaper and who with fear and who and with pleasure have learnt-subtracted about «the mediocre participant» the past war. Editor "avtozavodtsa" have degraded in simple partorga shops, otvetseka and that person on duty rjumashechnika have chucked out from party and from job. And I then hot proved at faculty, that I not a camel … My hopes of clearing examination encouraged me. I always handed over the literature straight off and on «otl.». Here and this time, for a moment having looked at questions, I was there and then called to answer. Ekzamenatorsha — dry, without certain age and without strongly pronounced sexual signs the lady known in narrow circles literaturovedka polina Abramovna Grey — listened to my reasonings on struggle litgruppirovok in 20th years vpoluha, writing down something the in a writing-book. When I have passed to the second question — « N.Rubtsova's Poetry in time context» — have suddenly quickened, has become agitated, has begun to force down me. Yes that happens? I have started to get excited, prove itself the, but my answer obviously did not like it. — You too exaggerate talent of this poet, — at last has chilly summed up doktorsha filnauk. — It far concedes, for example, to Pasternak or Mandelshtamu. It is necessary for journalist to understand poetry. — But as! — I have exclaimed fondly. — at what here Pasternak with Mandelshtamom? Good poets! But in connection with Cicatricial in memory Sergey Yesenin's name, its "silent" poetry … at once emerges Is at Yesenin silent poetry? — The voice okololitdamy became even drier. — it is enough. It was inclined over mine zachyotkoj and nervously something in it nakarjabala. I took, have looked — «chorus.». — P-P-allow, — I even have started to stammer, — but at me never under the literature was the four is it is impossible! — Now is, — she looked at me coldly and almost with hatred. And suddenly me has reached, I have understood heart: not she so hates me — Rubtsova with Yesenin! Here to you and the professor of Russian literature … In DAS I have arrived with fire extinguisher "caucasus" in a portfolio. Arcady already kejfoval at home — happy and vpolpjana: ogryob offset on communism and habitual trojak on lighted-re. Walk, children! Lenka did not appear yet, yes I and had a presentiment — quarrel-insult will again be tightened, and today Elena Grigorevnu hardly it is necessary to expect. And a devil from it! Somewhere was late and Arkashina Anzhelika — at all the queen of France. We were started up in zagul together. And here I have received deafening, crushing below a belt … Literally! At me eye illness obnaruzhilas suddenly-was showed: was impatient to cast nasty poisonous "caucasus", and only I have started procedure — my eyes from a pain have got on a forehead. I have looked at myself in a mirror these goggle idiotic eyes and have instantly understood — vlip. It is exact, as still it called in student's folklore, — the bird's illness: not that two feathers, not that three feathers. I have howled. Has rushed from a bathroom to Arkashe: what to do? How to be? Arcady was in this respect already dock: it together with the first experience of love has picked up then, on the first course, from fleshy Lizavety and a present. Arkasha has examined-surveyed me and filosoficheski summarised: — The muzhik should test all. Yes-a-a. Now listen here: first of all — to drink it is impossible. Gramme! And tomorrow — to Lazarju Naumychu in a clinic. I have rushed to search for this stinker. I swear, I there and then on a place would kill her! But its God that evening has rescued — she did not spend the night in DASe. Next day, having come running from hospital, already with the first bitsillinovym a charge in a bum, I have rushed into 307th. She slept is sweet, having buried a nose in a pillow. I have pulled off a blanket. — Put on! The little girl-neigbour from the corner silently scaredly looked. The same creature has tried kurazhnutsja: to sleep supposedly I want — lag behind. — Put on, — without shout, I have terribly repeated. My person, I felt, have turned white to death. She was frightened. Silently has jumped, has thrown with a dressing gown. I have seized it is tenacious for a hand, have dragged from a room, on a corridor, upwards on a ladder — it did not fall nearly, losing a sabot. Passers dasovtsy jumped aside from us. I have unlocked a door, have pushed it into a room, have turned a key on two turns, have crossed hands on a breast and silently the beginnings at it to look. She suddenly was frightened seriously, has nestled shovels on a case. — You of that, Vad? I at relatives spent the night … However, the truth! I razlepil the dried up lips, have croaked: — And you from relatives already to me have brought this time a syphilis? — What syphilis? — It has opened eyes. — well and jokes! — Shu-toch?! — I have roared not the voice and have seized the hunting penknife covered with the newspaper from a table. We it harmlessly cleaned a potato and cut bread, but an edge at it powerful, wide — lethal. — A S-S-bough! — I have backhand swung … And during this instant I have seen her eyes — sleepy, not made up, the nurseries overflowed with puzzled fear. She looked for some reason not at an edge, and is direct to me in the person. She has turned white as snow. Its mouth has swung open for last agonal shout … Something has trembled in me. But hand movement has already begun, terrible blow could not be stopped already. I have wildly screamed, have thrown the left hand, a palm downwards, on a plane of a table and — have struck. The knife with a crunch has entered into my flesh, has punched it through, has nailed to a tree. Blood has scattered. I stupidly looked at a nacreous handle — it rocked. Lena has screamed and has shut the face with the hands. <<<(P. 2) (P. 4)>>>
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© Rosedkin Sergey Nikolaevich, 2001
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