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LJUPOF P. 17 |
2. Koitus (5) To Alina Nesushkinoj, on December, 7th, 8-13 (From the bottom of the heart!) Alina, I congratulate you with 11-month's anniversary of ours on you of love and strange and nervomotatelnoj, it is possible to tell, a matrimonial life! (Relations between the man and the woman, irrespective of a stamp in the passport, — always a matrimonial life.) I send to my beloved wife a gift-citation from the past:
«Greetings, my native little man! Mine Lyosha!. The Unique way to remain between heaven and earth — to fly, and I treat — whether it is called as happiness? … in my vital sjuzhetnosti there is a life to you (bla-bla-bla) and a life with you, for you (the culmination me — the highest point me). … I very much LIKE YOU!!! And, please, concern this phrase seriously, I in it put very much and much all — and more time of!. Now I WILL put on (!) pizhamku with small fishes (by all means with bared pupochkom), I will become again the little girl, I will be compressed in a small lump and with thought on you I will fall asleep sweet, strong-sound sleep. So, it already a prelude of email-sex any! Though I very much would like you that you were in me (long live figure "4" — the best figure on light!) I will rain kisses at a meeting! Yours of the SMOKE (with the pussycat on pair — HA-HA-HA). Excuse, itself you understand, mood is sad-playful (directly oxymoron any) … »
Well as, the darling? Very much I hope, that now you SIMILAR do not write to IT. However, you with it, probably, only your foolish SmS-kami communicate, and there the SUCH will not write! Once again with our holiday. In the form of a reciprocal gift to me try not to fuck today with it (well really day cannot be suffered?!) or at least do not swallow of its sperm during time mineta (however, you spoke as so you do not swallow because he smokes also it at it tasteless …). Whole in a cheek (in lips after a word "sperm" — not so pulls)! Alexey. To Alexey Domashnevu, on December, 7th, 18-35 (it is mutual!) And you with a holiday! Alina (for the present not nesushkina). P. S. About a slap in the face: I did not wish to be rude to you, but was such malicious — when you have sent this SMS ку, I was with Kolkoj in bed and besides we with it, to put it mildly, found out relations. Therefore this message was last drop for large quarrel. He has understood at once, that we with you already have agreed in advance about a meeting, simply have not chosen a place and time. I have got tired of quarrels, a pain, tears, nervomotatelnyh situations … And I have got tired not only I … recently too nervous and without brakes. To Alina Nedomashnevoj, on December, 7th, 19-02 (About frejdizme and about love) Alina, you recently too nervous and without brakes for very simple reason: you LIKE me. That's all. Here even it is not necessary to be the pupil-follower of grandfather Freud. You like me, and try to be with it. So you will never be counterbalanced. You and will think of me even when he embraces you, enters into you and when its member is at you in a mouth, you subconsciously try to recollect-catch my smell which raises you, but instead inhale the STRANGER and almost absolutely to you the OPPOSITE sickening smell, and it oppresses you … Yes it is not necessary to take sex at all. You simply constantly think of me. Here for it, maybe, I still also like you. If you simply have thrown me and have forgotten, having replaced indifferently on this boy, I would begin to hate you for a long time. But I know, what you like me, what you cannot stop loving me and what the longer you will resist and deceive yourself, the longer you will torment first of all yourself, and, of course, me, and its silly (really he does not understand it???). Alina, to us with you from our love not to leave. We are sentenced. It not depends on us. When you at last will understand-realise it?! You think, I do not wish to live easy, without troubles and a shiver of hands — to forget-delete you? It is impossible. And I know, that will not turn out. As well as at you. Alina, you like me! Each your meeting with it, each sexual intercourse, let it lasts though one and a half hour and delivers you in the beginning some seconds orgazmicheskogo pleasures is a muck, it is change of our love. This violence from your party over itself. It dur. I know, that you will regain consciousness. More soon! I looked these days video of "the Rule of wine makers» (with SHarliz Teron) and "Natali" (With Deparde and Ardan) — looked and thought: as though to Alina it too to see! There is what to discuss, so it would be desirable to exchange with you impressions … During week-end wished to go to library, to be re-registered to take at last Fransuazu Sagan and to re-read: so it would be desirable to recollect the world on which I with delight travelled 30 years ago and, the main thing where you have visited more recently and it too has made on you indelible impression (still!) … I Re-read now Shukshin and mentally I mark stories which you by all means should read and you will feel for certain the same, as I … look every evening on your page in Stihire: so you are important and interesting to me, that there and to whom you say-write, that the new have created … And what pleasure to RECOLLECT-SEE ours with you hours-minutes-seconds-instants of affinity! Especially I like a situation when we lay with you in bed AFTER THAT, face to face: My God, what at you during that moment the person, what sight, what you the darling, beautiful to the impossibility, what happy GIRL!!!. Alina, I it to what after all and you too feel-understand all approximately as! Glance in itself: and you it almost as could describe-formulate all … You live in me, I live in you. Whether it is love?! I admit, I have a weighty reason to send to all devils both you, and ours with you love: at home at me now the world, a cosiness and rest, D. N washing it is happy … I do not want! I wish to like you, I wish to be with you, I want you! And all depends only on you. When you will cease to force, deceive yourself when you will understand, what the PRESENT LOVE happens only time and voluntary the silliest renounce it only and thick-skinned?! Therefore I again and again repeat: My God, yes throw you it, leave, cease to be engaged with it stupid animal sex, both all your and my problems there and then will disappear … Same so simply — try! Alina, I LIKE YOU! Do not rush it … Alexey. Lyoshe, on December, 7th, 22-25 (it is mutual!) Lyosha! Be not loaded! And — do not press on me. Do not write, that I am a traitress … Itself I know! I will think, be corrected … All at us it will be good! Good night! I will come to you in a dream!!! Smoke. To Alina Nedomashnevoj, on December, 8th, 0-17 (30) Alina, hi! Exactly month — — remains 30 days about anniversary of our love, our matrimonial life. You remember, how we swore-dreamt, what one year (any 12 months, only 365 days!) we our passionate love not raspleskaem, will save up, we will not allow anybody to separate us?. However, you suddenly from a boat somehow have unexpectedly pushed out-has pushed off me, but I still cling to boards, I barahtajus-struggle, I do not wish to sink … Somehow we will reach in common till January, 7th, and? Well and there it will be visible … Return readout of time has begun. Every day I will send you past slices, you former. Memory maiden is short, and I want-dream, that these YOURS FOR me a word, expressions, oaths, recognitions, delights were recollected to you and that you at least in these ostatnie about one anniversary days did not say them, did not repeat, did not give to another … «Lyoshechka! You represent, the tummy has fallen silent and it is possible to tell, that I even comfortably feel myself! Here it is number! And no ampoule is necessary. Ljupof, probably so well operates — obezbolivajushche. A seal you my stretching, your kitty (it I!) purrs to itself at home — to it so well, warmly, cosy. It all in thoughts on you … Behind a window weather raskuksilas-has burst into tears, and on a shower — the sun because you at me are, and I at you … Hands smell till now as you, how soap did not try — your smell all the same more strongly (and can, the skin simply does not wish to leave it?!) … I cannot be silent — feelings simply hold apart-tear apart me! And still AS I like you, probably, really will not express to the end (what else end?! — the poetess is called — the word suitable cannot find!) . My feeling to you any words-verses you will not clasp-will embrace. I do not wish to spread thoughts on a tree … Simply allow to love each other, heat, kiss, embrace … to Spit on all and all! We have found each other, and — takes away this main thing of it from us can nobody and does not dare! Like me, I is clear the sun! And I you, as to a smog — ardently, ardently, gently, before full absorption-dissolution … Your sponges I humidify-omedovyvaju (in a mot!) Your Alina. »
Alina, native, it is not necessary to call these days another "seal", "sun", it is not necessary to it about that-de «we have found each other», «like me» … It ugly and simply unscrupulously — to repeat literally, words-expressions already presented once to give another! Good night and clear morning! Alex. P. S. I will be today in oblbiblioteke at evening baranovskih poets. And you? Lyoshe, on December, 8th, 18-37 (Excuse!) Lyoshka! Nevertheless very much I believe (I wish to believe!), that you have not taken offence! Excuse, if that! Unsuccessful time and day has been chosen today for a meeting-appointment, I hope, you understand it! P. S. It is thought, D. N has dinned into your today (now) all about my disgusting short hairstyle and the disgusting mistress of this hairstyle — so? Alinka-picture. To Alina, on December, 8th, 19-45 (My thoughts) Alinka, native! Well why you have decided, what I have taken offence?! I was simply terribly afflicted and extremely was upset. Present only, WHAT dreams-dreams wandered on today's evening at me in a head, when bubnili the verses baranovskie poets … It — first. And secondly, happiness NOT ONLY in trahe: me so does not suffice and it is simple dialogue with you. Today poet Hvostov and that is more with you communicated-talked. I can and admit, that, having seen you a hall, I at once zapredchuvstvoval with easy melancholy, that nichegoshenki at us with you today will not be, though you and have promised. Here Freud, here the subconscious. You perfectly knew, that I will be today at full parade, in a suit and at a tie, and have thus put on (subconsciously!) in "teenage" prikid (which, has by the way, appeared at you when there was in your life a gopher). You in advance (subconsciously!) has decided, that we nearby will not be today. Alinka, an Alinka-picture — frejdistka! It is necessary to me to dream and hope only, what tomorrow our meeting will not break. By the way, for data (for to solve all to you) — I at faculty will not be tomorrow. And at last: explain, please, hardly more in detail and with details — why we have not met today? Who to you has become attached? Why for you 18-00 became "late" time? (Whether to me to know, Alinka you a picture, that earlier 23-00 you home are not declared …) more often And again — about the main thing: it is a pity, that one more day (evening) of ours (or at least — mine) happiness has not taken place, has broken, was gone … E-hey, you where???!!! Alex. Lyoshe, on December, 8th, 22-53 (All on shelves!) Lyosh! Lyosha! Lyoshka! Alexey! First, my namesake Alinka from "News" (to it in the same party, it has appeared, it was necessary to go) was co-ordinated for me. Secondly, to a fig of the people since evening went to our party, that me too has angered. Thirdly, was afraid, that for you D. N it will be co-ordinated or will watch. Today it as you saw, sat in the next number from me and is impudent (loudly and aloud!) made comments on the feelings to me (far not the partial!) at the girlfriends. Fourthly, I have told to mum, that at 16-00 I will go for poetic evening to library (hour on 2-2,5) and then home. Fifthly, the presentiment any bad was simple, and irritated many — the same of Tails, Century T, professor Minutko and te de. You one, the sun, pleased, moreover and such beautiful. Yes, still the question — you is not pleasant, when I look, how the girl, yes? You would like, that I have put on today the suit — that, from a strict photo? To tell the truth, wanted — but has forgotten, that it is subject to washing (I after all not sacred — am spoilt). By the way, with you I always tried to look slightly more senior, did not want, that you in me the very young little fool-little girl-poetessku saw. But in a reality I — both the girl, and the woman, and always in the different proportions depending on mood, weather, thoughts … By the way, Kolke such mine prikid as today — very much it is pleasant. Alinka. P. S. Why has not answered my question: really D. N has not commented today on me? To Alina, on December, 8th, 23-19 (My shelves) Alina, about clothes I at all meant that. You awfully like me both "adult", and "girl-teenager" (the second, maybe, even is more!). I — about frejdizm, shown in clothes: I was today CELEBRATORY, you — are underlined EVERY day; I was from ours With YOU of the world (so it is pleasant to you this my suit), you were from YOURS With IT of the world (I repeat so you began to put on after a meeting with it, especially if to mean boots on protectors) … You unconsciously (and can, and is conscious) did not wish to be was in harmony-be joined today with me (here a mot!), therefore and our evening — tju-tju! D. N made comments, but not a hairdress, and earrings (a pier, whether yours it?!) and your impudent, in its opinion, behaviour: it seemed to it, that you are underlined impudently on it looked. And more she was interested, who it with you sits. I have explained, that your best girl-friend Lena — its mine D. N has approved. By the way, and I have made out today Lena as follows: it it is valid very nice! (Well — porevnuj!) it is fine — nonsenses all it. Instead of nonsenses, pleasure washing, that you do not speak, you do not write about TOMORROW. Alina, be more concrete. I repeat, I at faculty will not be, so I wait for instructions … Alexey. P. S. Alina, wandered now on your page — you have replaced a photo (as though you about it do not know!). Your response on verses Zamzueva very much has not liked me. Has not liked, naturally, "Kolka" in your mail. My God, as I would like now you to see!!! Lyoshe, on December, 8th, 23-44 (Mysticism any!) Lyoshka! I too now wandered on the page! Means, we wandered together! And you speak — I wish to meet! Have met virtually-mentally-territorially! Tomorrow I will call you hours in 10 then we will agree about a meeting. D. N — the smart aleck: I only once have looked at it, when only have seen it in a hall. It is a lot of painfully to it abuse! Something else write! Alinka. To Alina, on December, 8th, 23-55 (Virtuality is good, but …) Alinka, Alinka! I too am glad and surprised, that we wandered-walked together and in one place on the Internet. I am happy always and, I admit, I test something like disturbing languor when I hear your voice in a telephone tube. I shiver at times, with impatience opening your mail. I would be glad to receive from you the paper letter (it, by the way, a hint) … But all these ways of dialogue-contact are deprived the main thing: the SMELL, TOUCHES, SIGHTS, PHYSICAL CARESS, PLEASURE by AFFINITY … And without this relation of two people, and women — are not full of the man. It agree? Uncle Lyosha. P. S. I (only do not laugh!) has written verses — zatseni: AND. L. Young and beautiful, You do not wish to believe in uniqueness of love … You are assured, as if more and more You will test the same precisely madness – Exciting madness beating by a current! – But already with another, not with me … Pier, what, in effect, a difference, Who embraces you – that or this, If as the head begins to spin, All body will tremble, It will be filled with sweet languor, If you test orgazm – Even stronger and longer?. The silly, silly girl! All not and not as, And THAT never will be, does not become THESE is The ONLY THING which was presented to you by Destiny … And LOVE at all the same, that – COMFORT! Same after all at all synonyms, it is antonyms … Love and comfort – not joint things! When at last you will understand it, You will experience, you will pass through heart? Also you will cease to torment yourself and me! Young and beautiful Silly, silly The girl … Lyoshe, on December, 8th, 23-59 (Yes!) Yes! YES! Daaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good night, heavenly mine, my sun! See you tomorrow! Yours Alinka. P. S. And your verses — touching: thanks! Latunkinoj, on December, 9th, 19-30 (About flowing) Today has seen-has read your new verses on your page. In this connection the request: I do not wish to be registered on "Stihi.ru" because of an once, therefore I ask you on OLD FRIENDSHIP from my name to place on the page a response-review on yours stiho «do not leave!». The text following: «Stiho — a class! Both under the form, and under the maintenance — it is poetical, romantic, psihologichno and emotionally-ekspressivno. Talently! It would be desirable to wish-advise for the author to write at the same worthy level verses about the girl-dinamku who after a long break meets the muzhik (the liked!), strips to the skin, lays down with it in bed, the person on duty minet does hastily, and further suddenly starts to wriggle, break, simply speaking and it is not known why, — vyyozhivatsja. And at it after that (excuse for prose!) swell up eggs, gljuchit heart, nerves are mixed up in such ball, that either in a loop, or in hard drinking … Klyovye verses can turn out! » Alina, very much you I ask: do not change letters — I will take offence. All kind! Domashnev. To Alexey, on December, 13th, 19-42 (Spasiboooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!) Lyoshka! My God, thanks you! THANKS! Thanks! To me now so it is good, as never! At last these terrible 5 months — behind, and all thoughts which tormented me, too! I have just learnt about your meeting (appointment!) With Lenkoj! You do not represent, as have made happy me! About My God as to me it is easy! Now I can like easy and freely about whom my thoughts and desires — mine Kolku! To like it is sweet, passionately, greedy and madly gently! Thanks you, Lyosha, Lyoshechka, my darling! Today you have presented me such gift! I am free! I AM free! Really all the most terrible has ended! And I thought, that will not end! As to me it is easy from thought, that you never liked me! And simply played, and this game to me was indescribably pleasant and sweet! And now exactly, word for word, action in action you have repeated ours on December, 29th with Lenkoj. And it should occur, that I have understood! You have given me everything, that a smog give, and it is healthy! In this game I am an absolute winner! Perhaps you also were not sincere with me up to the end, but I do not wish to think of it because I am filled by light and heat! Under the truth to tell, me now so ofigenno, that I already almost exude (or I will start to play just about a finger with the cat, with the Matryonushkoj, which already all damp). But now sex is not necessary to me, nothing will be compared to euphoria of pleasure from thought, that I want and I will like Kolku! To like how I never liked! I am a woman, gentle, beautiful, sexual, passionate! I will give everything, that to a smog to give, and that, probably, I can not — too I will give! Game! GAME! It after all there is nothing does not oblige, it was simple in it so much tenderness, that any my "thanks" will not thank you how I really want! At, the pancake, shorts already rub my burnt sponges! I would like now that me caressed to exhaustion! But only not the man, and thought that I wish to live, like, give and take! I now, podi, will raise a howl because, that in me all burns! I after all so wish to like, my heart is simply turned inside out from this desire! And you to me have very much helped to understand and realise today it! I have lost so much precious time and have not given the one who very much waits, wholly what overflows I all: tenderness, care, caress! You, probably, have appeared in my destiny that I have felt in myself it! I become the woman! And as it is good, that now there is nobody the house and nobody will see in my opinion this sweet languor! I caress myself, and it is not a shame to me, that I now touch the breast and my dummies answer my caresses — as they are pliable on tenderness! Tomorrow my young man will caress also me, and I will kiss his hands, lips, a skin, hair, resnichki, I will merge with it in a single whole and I will lose consciousness from this madness! Really from one only the thought can catch such high which now overflows me?! You know, my letter is similar to the reporting: everything, that I write to you, perceive in movement! You represent, one hand I print (and it if it is fair, difficult and inconvenient), and another lifts temperature of my body and desire, torments and gets! Cheeks burn, I am hot, feet are thrown on a table! About as it is pleasant, I feel the body, and it as if guesses my desires! I yet did not lower there a finger, but there all is already wet and shchekotno! I think of how two bodies in one divinely merge, flow each other! I am free! I wish to be liked and the most desired on light! Though so it also is! I do not want sex, I wish to TAME myself! As it is insatiable it is possible to like and caress the body, to switch on imagination, to put slow beautiful music! I switch on «Enigm» and I switch off light! As to me it is good!!! I do not want drink, is, and to feel the skin, to kiss it! I wish to show IT to you! In me as if the ocean has spread! I — also am ocean! I am infinite … Alinas-n-nochka!. (In my opinion, I already finish second time) … P. S. YO, someone calls at a door, really laces have come?. Yes, they, as always, at the wrong time. I will go to open. So long! To Alina, on December, 13th, 20-50 (Yes-a-a!) Alina, you me, I admit, has amazed. 1) Never thought, that you still will be with me SO to be frank. 2) At last (if I have correctly understood) you have felt pleasure and sweet masturbatsii. I spoke for a long time you — as it fine! 3) I do not believe, that you were such silly woman and 5 months really thought only of my calmness and happiness. For: 4) Hardly you constrained yourself with it and till this day and did not dare «to like is sweet, passionately, greedy and madly gently!.» Could remind you, pleasure washing, some your HOT details-recognitions of yours with it intimate pleasures though, on the other hand, I think, you were sincere and when affirmed-blabbed out (and time and again!), that sex with it not so is pleasant to you, that it (with it) you strains pathologically long sex and it tyres and that (sex with it) completely not such sweet, as with me … 5) In any case it is glad, that has removed from you any burden and you will feel now more free and happy. Forward! Alexey. P. S. And Lena — a charm! 1) It has appeared not so such silly woman and sexually anxious female what was represented under your stories. 2) It at all does not wriggle, and it is expensive costs. 3) it is very a pity, that, apparently, all as with you is frank, though I, I admit, has hinted it that it very much before you did not reveal. Well, naivety some to it too to the person. To Alexey, on December, 13th, 21-32 (Points over i) Lyosh! Unfortunately for you, she has seen in you only the old man-professor and especially not the man. Doubly unfortunately for you, it with you will not vstrechatsja-mejlitsja-communicate, because I against: it is unpleasant to me, and from your party this meanly and ridiculously. Has found, the pancake than to revenge! I to it in one thousand times am more expensive than any former lover of the girlfriend, and old literally! Alas, pretty, but all have solved without you. Se lja vi! At sharing of an orange you managed a peel. Poorly to entice the very young girl without my help (correspondence)?! You grow old, Lyosha, oh you grow old! In a fantastic way you have copied-has shown Lenke ours on December, 29th. Though is not present, thanks, what not all (not the right handle caressed-studied, the chiromantist of horse-radishes, and left!) though any individuality should remain! Or, can, from change of places composed the sum does not vary?! You to it have thrown a lovely mail! (For you news: it through me receives e-mail, I to it on Majl.ru have opened a box!) but contact will not be. However, you can kontachit unilaterally, for example, onanirovat (and I will masturbate), and we will have a class telepathic contact. Give, and?! Oh, again I start zavoditsja-exude … Well you, Lyoshka, ridiculous you! And Lenka — a charm, I know. Alina. To Alina, on December, 13th, 22-04 (In vain) Alina, in vain you so. That Lena likes boys even more youngly it and at all do not like adult muzhiks (did not like) are we from it already and have found out. But there are also exceptions! It, of course, was pleasant to me and as very much even the nice girl (I admit, I have really made out it on poetic evening), but today it has more amazed me as the PERSON, as the PERSON, as the clever and worthy interlocutor … I do not understand, what to you the sense to prevent to communicate to us? After all you have just declared in the previous mail, what is it for you a destiny gift! Define! What is this again sobakonasennoe mood?! Like the Kolku, let he likes you, be happy and do not prevent to live and search another for the happiness. You, maybe, and more expensively now in one thousand times me, "old man" (here uela — about viagra think up-hint!) for naive Lena, but, I think, hardly it is pleasant to it, if I tell to it in detail, what mucks you about its intimate life (it shared with you as with the best girlfriend!!!) me told, and for certain not only me. Alina, do not try to seem worse and gazhe — what for to you it? Leave us with Lena alone, allow ourselves to solve, we are interesting each other or not. Have agreed, my pleasure? We wish to remain friends?! Alexey. P. S. My God, Alina, really you hold me (and held) for the moron?! Really you actually think, what is it and there is my attempt to "sweep"?!! You have become crazy! To try to revenge the former loved communication with the new woman is only teenagers-teenagers like yours Koljuhi to such can guess. Unless it is revenge! To Alexey, on December, 13th, 22-32 (For especially confused) I, in my opinion, quite clearly also have articulately written: no dialogue at you will exist! And it will be solved by me! However, has already solved! Lenka all understands, how you have written — it not the little fool. And you are necessary to it, as to a pike a condom! At it now beautiful love with one boy, so baj-baj! I HAVE THE RIGHT to put a cross on your silly and ridiculous feeble efforts! And I put it! Fuck, groan, buy viagra (after all soon you all the same should buy it — age-with!), learn-study destiny lines on a hand and te de, but not from my good acquaintances and friends! I concerning close people the hyperjealous owner as a tigress I will fight for the! So do not climb better! Not that at you and yours D. N the best days will begin not! Yes, Lenka in many respects naive, pure and light, and it as you write, expensive costs. She wishes to enter the future in postgraduate study to such skilled teacher as you, therefore and have come to you (having asked before at me: whether it is possible?) But at the same time she understands, that this dirty game has begun and is thought up against me! And we today with all the heart at my place porzhali over you! What you foolish, Lyosh, and after all pysatel, a pancake though malicious and artful simultaneously … But at clever girls noodles on ears long are not late! And the gift about which I have written (that you me never and did not like) is to me a soul heats till now, but does not heat another: that you try to use Lenku (to use to it), and at you, podi, all in trousers moves till now. In my territory you hospitably any more will not accept! More asking mails from your party (with a subtitle: my member fades, but still something can) are not accepted. To the wife show the bed achievements! The theme on it is closed! We remain friends only in the event that you will search for happiness on the clearing, instead of on mine. Here — «the input is prohibited Strangers!» And blackmail the firm reserve for any foolish woman, or not (there is a way better) — thrust it in the charming anus! (popka yours to me, and the truth, liked!) Excuse, that I write roughly, but in another way you do not understand! My God, excuse me but when, Lyosh, at you man's forces will retire?! It is intolerable already! D. N, whether that, is not enough you? After all on another there will be no energy, and potentialities. So otvali, has understood?! To Alina, on December, 13th, 22-56 (Alina, Alina …) Alinas, smart guy, in my opinion, it from your party — jealousy in the pure state. And jealousy in the animal, an unattractive kind. You that, still like me? I also know, that you in any way cannot stop loving me. Also you can not. But, agree, native, it does not allow to you any right to try to humiliate me. It is very bad. It is unintelligent. The right, I have not deserved it. It will be a shame to you then when you will cool down. Alexey. P. S. And more it seems to me is a jealousy not only of Elena, but also OF me. Yes, yes, Alinushka you washing, similar, lesbijskie domoganija your girl-friend have conceived any action and you too to it not absolutely exactly breathe now … M-M, a bouquet of sexual problems! To Alexey, on December, 13th, 23-32 (Lyoshka, Lyoshka …) Lyosh if you to me declared war, conduct it in the territory. I for you — is closed, and I will make all that you have not broken through this defence. Lenka never will be your ally! And she has understood me at once, without any conversations. Yes, me really it is very sick and bad now (I feel a helpless kitten, and you turn to the artful and counterbalanced tiger). It is bad because, that your sick imagination has invented such painful course: to deprive of me, to try to take away a part of my life, because Lena — a part of my life. The most disgusting, that you about it guess, therefore beat on the most vulnerable my points. I so am easy for wounding, and you all think, what I — cynical, disgusting, disgusting (what you there mots have still thought up?) . Today recollected, how I, happened, jumped very early, prepared roast in a pot and the truth brought to you on job as madly waited for you from Ekaterinburg-Abakan, and me, became bitter to tears — in what now our relations turn! Where my tenderness leaves (it ever less in my heart) which I always to you tested when thought of you, saw? But you have made the big efforts that heart has given such leak, and, is thought to me, will go on heads, you all the same. Eh, Napoleon you mine … P. S. To me it is very nasty now!!! Alinka. To Alina, on December, 13th, 23-59 (we Will think sensibly) Alina, I believe and I hope, that this your explosion of emotions (to tell the truth, absolutely unexpected for me) will be ceased-will settle. As you cannot (do not wish) to understand, that all these months when I still madly liked you, and you were-enjoyed with another, from your TENDERNESS to me it was a hundred times heavier. You are better than me at once would begin to hate, as traitors usually start to hate those whom have betrayed … Believe (you always you know-feel heart — when I speak the truth!), Lena very much and very much was pleasant to me. You think, I did not try to replace for these months with somebody you in the heart? Tried! With one girl (it works on glavpochtamte) at us have already begun there were any relations, but I have understood quickly — not that … On poetic evening there was a minute when you have turned to someone, has opened Lena, and I kiss this minute on an emphasis looked at it, considered-studied her face (it has pretended, that does not notice it) and was amazed it very much and to very original, original beauty and any light going from it: even any sweet needle has entered into my heart. But I never would began to undertake anything for rapprochement from it if you so did not behave with me recently … You as if have died for me and as the POET. (As the PERSON, the PERSON, you have ceased to exist for me on August, 4th). So from three yours ipostasej which I liked (I LIKED!!!), there was only one — the WOMAN. But I have not enough of it, it only — for my Vasily … The place in my heart was released-has become empty. And I have decided to make the first shy step to Lena (of which I think recently in increasing frequency). Though to me it is awfully terrible. I am afraid to fall in love, like, be happy. I am intolerable I am afraid to go through once again the same wreck of love, as with you, the same treachery. You in the cruelty of the right: I any more at that age that with ease such to worry and calm down. Alina, very much you I ask: do not stir to me, do not stir to us. After all you were happy with me why you think, what Lena cannot be happy? Not be the other-wordly egoist. After all you are happy now, you have a person, which is liked by you (though I in it do not believe!) which likes you, at you all fine … Well be you magnanimous! Wish and contribute happiness of your congenial souls. After all and I, and Lena not strangers to you, what for you at least (and even both) wish to "lower" one of us?!! And, believe, when unreasonable and unmotivated your jealousy (you have thrown me — when, at last, you realise-will understand it!!!) utishitsja, you will agree, that to you will live easier and more easy when you will be convinced, that my painful love to you has passed also I is happy with another. Alinka, be the clear head! Be kind! Be magnanimous! Be objective! Be with HEART! Alexey. To Alexey, on December, 14th, 8-15 (I Ask!) Lyosha, give at 14-00 we will meet THERE, in our house. I very much, very much ask you! Please! Call urgently on sotik. Alinka. Alyoshe, on December, 14th, 19-35 (Excuse also thanks!) Lyoshenka, thanks for today! We are simply created for each other — in ALL senses! I now such happy! Lyosh! I know, there is no to me a pardon that I behave with you so disgustingly! At me in any an impenetrable barrier which and me prevents to live. Today you the tenderness, the caresses, the love have helped me to become a little softer and is more adult. You look, and not far off those times when I will become absolutely former: the lovely and good girl. EXCUSE me!!! You know, at me sensation, that I start you to feel somehow (on mental, space as do not name, level!). I feel your pain each section, at me with anybody such was not. And it SOMETHING will always connect us while we think about each other and the friend for the friend. Whole more and more, liked mine! Yours Alinka. To Alina, on December, 14th, 22-05 (It is happy immensely!) Alinka, the darling! I am afraid to believe the happiness … Really ALL has returned?! And you, native, thanks FOR the TODAY'S! You, as always, were divine! Your body – a fairy tale! Your caresses … Are not present, I will not smear-freshen words that at us was today! Re-read now FORMER your letters to me (the happiest time!), I admit, cried. Here only a few moments-citations — get a grasp-recollect: «I like you … It is ready to repeat one million times it! At all I do not like, and I breathe you … You at me are! You represent, YOU At me are! You understand, that I in the seventh sky!. Liked, thanks you that you do me happy!!! I Embrace-kiss … Eyes, lips, a skin, soul … Everything, than the enamoured person can like-live. Always yours and only your Alina, the Smoke, the darling, native, pleasure and your happiness … Your, your, your, always yours, only yours, it is unique yours, I am absolute yours … I live in you, without you there is no also I! As I would like to shout for the whole world, that I LIKE!!! And my internal echo shouts, yes so, that tears are not kept … Again to crying. Excuse, but I can not constrain some tear. This happiness to cry with happiness (happiness, happiness — this word impregnates I all!!!) I LIKE — I shout-shout-squeal it … the Room shivers my holding apart vseljubvi! Probably, and you hear it. For certain you hear. I LIKE-THINK-DREAM!!! Lyosha, the darling! Very much I ask you, write to me, that you like me and sometime will become really mine. I beg you. I go mad … I Cry already for fear to lose you. Without you I cannot live, you sense of my life. I always will be with you is my oath before the God and people. Even if the whole world will be against our union, I will struggle for you, for the right to be happy and to like. I so would like to be near to you the little girl — defenceless, pure, light … But if it is required, I will break off on a part of the one who will rise on a way … My darling, I like you! I — your captured, and you — the most sweet captivity! I undertake to be yours in all: in trifles, in the main thing … I Will try very much because I WISH to be with you and only with you. I YOURS — you should understand it and believe! Anybody is not necessary to me, except you!!! I waited for you all life, and the destiny nevertheless has presented to me on December, 29th the happy ticket!. Beloved mine! With you and only with you I wish to divide the life! To live for the sake of you — the most invaluable gift, that to me the destiny only could present! You fill all me! Time TO YOU was only preparation, rehearsal before the life!. You have so enriched, have shined, oskazochil … (and more it is a lot of verbs with a prefix "about"!) my destiny, that without you I do not want (and I can not!) to live!!! You — my life! In you my life! LYOSHA, I very much LIKE YOU!!! We always together! We ALWAYS will be together! At us ahead — eternity! I — yours, always yours and only yours! And you — mine, always mine and only mine! We — the happiest on light! Your happy because, that you are!. I yours forever!!! I was over head and ears in love with you and every day I thank the God that he to me has presented you! Without you I cannot — like me! I like you madly!. As I am glad, that you at me are, and I am at you! Remember it when absolutely hardly will be! We — together! Also it is such gift of destiny about what and to dream I did not think!. I ask you — NOT RAZLJUBLIVAJ me! I of it will not go through!. Thanks for that you are and that YOU WITH me! I of it am not worthy, but, believe — I try, am puffed up very much that you were happy! I like!. » My God, as terribly, if you now can same (on passion and heat) to write-speak to another!. Very much and very much I hope, that is not present! Whole it is hot and quivering, obtselovyvaju all! Alexey. Alyoshe, on December, 16th, 22-20 (Confession) Lyosha, Lyosha! What here to tell?! By phone I have already told an essence … We have eaten, as two snakes, the myths, thought up the friend the friend and for each other. And I am very grateful to it, that it has found in itself(himself) forces to recognise it the first. All has begun still yesterday. It again more hour me mutulil. It rubs (excuse for details!), and I lay, I listen to a scratch of a sofa and I think: a pancake, really so till the end of a life to suffer?. When it at last has terminated (again excuse!), I psihanula, have jumped and is direct so, goljakom, have passed through a hall (and there its brother with the father sat before a TV set — me on a drum!) in a bathroom, has typed waters, has climbed. Kolka has come, already dressed, villages on edge, looks. Well I also have given out: a pier, you of that — to finish cannot in any way faster? After all already callosities to me has rubbed!. However, then on brakes all have lowered, on a disco have gone, had a good time. And today we meet, it something shivers everything, turns pale, reddens, well and — has given out: it supposedly our last meeting, I so cannot any more, we each other do not approach, I do not trust you … And other in the same spirit. Also has begun to cry. Well and I too … As it was found out, it was going to for a long time it to make. Also you know, I felt it. He has asked, that I have released it. Is too much "but" in his head which prevent to be to it with me. Biggest of these "but" — you. He has learnt about ours with you pozavcherashnej to a meeting (someone saw us in that area), and it became last drop. Lyosh, I am a person sensitive, with very developed intuition. Believe, it is the END. I admit to you as on spirit: now to me it is sick and melancholy. But, probably, it should occur. We with Kolkoj too good friends, but love to us not on a teeth. Somewhere an edge of a brain and heart I understood it, but did not wish to believe in it. Now it is necessary … We with Sergey henceforth bosom friends and all. Your support is now very necessary to me, and, I hope, to speak maliciously you will not begin. Write, that you think of all it. … Also excuse … Alinka. (Now and for ever — only yours!) To Alina, on December, 16th, 22-41 (the Shock!) Alina, now I only one can tell: I in a shock. I, of course, understand, that you now in a shock, what is it the decision (about rupture with it) can be TIME (as it happened at us to you), what is it simply large, but only the next quarrel … So while something is difficult to tell. Tomorrow we will talk in more details (D. N in a room). Though I have a suspicion-presentiment, that you will be in depressnjake. In any case — know and remember: I very much want, that you with me were opened, frank, close … See you! I LIKE you! Alexey. To mine Lyoshe, on December, 18th, 23-18 (I am sick of love!) Lyoshka, the darling, hi! For a long time I did not write you NORMAL letters and, to admit, already even istoskovalasja-has become bored of ours with you to mail-dialogue. You know what much easier to write-explain something in the letter, than to tell at a meeting … Lyosh, I last nights very badly sleep, all I think and I think — of us with you. And that I am a silly woman! The full cretin! After all I knew, that a meeting with you — the MAIN EVENT In my LIFE! I have met SUCH man … I about it and to dream plainly was not dared. And here now, when the dream was carried out, I behaved really as the full silly woman, itself destroying the happiness. I as if wanted to someone (first of all — to myself) something to prove. And from it the pain was born only. I cause it to myself. I provoke you, and you, in turn, to me do very much and very painfully … And I so have got tired of a pain!!! Especially from that, that you cause to me. I want, I wish to feel from you a pain (I the masochist, and you know it), but only a pain — sweet: from your strong embraces, kisses before breath interception, during merges-interlacings of our bodies … Lyoshka, know and remember, that what spiteful and nadutoj I was not represented to time of quarrels, under this foolish armour all the same I am a person who likes you more lives, wishes to be with you … Lyosha, the darling, native mine, I want, that we with you each other liked, liked, liked — infinitely and is boundless! LIKED!!! My happiness, I on you have terribly become bored! I will fall asleep now and all I will dream-represent, as I will appear tomorrow in University and I will see you … Everything, on this is quite vigorous-optimistic note I while will stop and I will gotovitsja-be adjusted on our meeting. I wish you to see! I WANT you!. I kiss you, my HAPPINESS, both on lips, and in a nose, and in cheeks and in general obtselovyvaju all! I LIKE YOU!!! Your absolutely lost head Alinka. domashnev@mail.ru, on December, 26th, 12-20 (Alas!) Lyosha, has dropped in in the Internet-centre to inform very bad news: alas, the computer my of repair has not returned yet so remain with us while phones, sotiki and DIRECT contacts (hi-hi!). CHmok! CHmok! Alinka. To Alina, on December, 28th, 16-21 (!!!) Alina, lovely, more and more time of thanks for today's magic morning!!! As though I wanted, that we had always here such fantastic possibility — to get in the morning into bed (or, on the contrary, not to get out in the morning of it!) and — to like, like, love each other!. I hope today to meet still virtually. Yours Alyoshka. To mine Lyoshe, on December, 28th, 23-36 (Novostja) Lyosh! From Lenki hardly home has reached, already buses from its area did not go, it was necessary to a stop with trolley buses to stamp. There at it huge kompashka acquaintances was. More shortly, early they have not released me. In general, has arrived only just home. Zamzuev, estimate, has sent me a mail: «Alina, I fall asleep with thoughts on you …» Such here pies! Good, you, probably, already are going to in a dream to dive … So if not skontachimsja, good night. Alinka. P. S. Yes, today's morning was a fairy tale — spasibochki! To mine Lyoshe, on December, 29th, 22-12 (the Darling!) Lyosh! Thanks that was such darling today! In my opinion, our anniversary has gone right. By the way, if sotik to switch off and put on additional charge — it is fast loaded. But it so — the information to data. And the most important thing, that I wished to write — thanks, that you are! Alina. To Alina, on December, 29th, 22-29 (About reservations …) Alinas, the lovely darling — thanks, certainly! And you, as always, were perfect today — and in bed, and in general … Only I am am confused with your reservation: Alina, has named you me in conversation "Kolkoj" nesprosta … Oh nesprosta! Admit, that you again with it meet. However, I already and have understood it … But — I do not want, I do not want, I do not want now about it! And I wish you to intrigue: I to you today, in an anniversary of our first MEETING, have made-has prepared an unusual gift, unique which I will present for an anniversary of our first MERGE — 7‑го January. Wait, pine and do not try to find out-learn ahead of time — what is it: I will not give out, I will not break up! As you see, I during a meeting was silent today about it, as the communist. Whole it is normal and KUNNILINGUSNO! (It is rhymed not with mean", and with"is tasty"!) Your Alex. P. S. And you on kisses virtual have started to save something again … P. P. S. At me the throat has taken something — God forbid I will be ill! To mine Lyoshe, on December, 30th, 8-47 (J) Alex! You of that rassuponivaeshsja? All is not too bad. Though it is not assured … I Hope, that today you with D. N you was not engaged in sex also sotik has been disconnected for other reasons. Though is not present — do not answer. First, I do not wish to know, secondly, all the same I will not believe: that you should to me tell lies, as I will not see, whether will redden. And still … Lyosh, do not take offence, but I will not send-show you my mails to Kolke, it is not necessary more precisely, does not follow! You already and itself stammered, that know too many and superfluous, therefore the head and heart do not get tired to compose-imagine. Give we will not play a kindergarten. In many respects it is household mails. In a word, the question on this theme is closed. I will tell only one: they are a hundred times colder, than I wrote to you, I think, it is enough of it. That was between us With ANYBODY WILL not repeat ANY MORE! Recover and be optimised in thoughts-thoughts. There is you, there is I: the destiny has not casually spent from a point And in a point the line. It is healthy — to be unusual and connected! Thanks, Lyosh, that was, are and WILL be in my life! Certainly — whole, whole, whole! (And you, and Vasenku!) Alinchik. P. S. I late today will not be (affairs and efforts holiday), so see you tomorrow. To mine Lyoshe, on December, 31st, 9-36 (U-r-a!!!) Lyoshka! A seal! And you of New vigorous morning! The mood yours (judging by a voice in phone) very much is pleasant to me. So to hold! Umnichka! As New year you will meet — so him and you will spend, so meet him with good thoughts, mood and health! What a pity, that we cannot meet him together, together! Thanks for everything, that you have given-has presented to me … And it is a huge-huge bouquet of all! We SHOULD meet, and we have met! The main thing — not to lose IT! Happy New Year, Lyosha! Be happy!!! Whole it is gentle and passionate! Alinka-SMOKE-snegurka. To Alina, on December, 31st, 10-20 (It is happy!) Alina, I — am happy! Thanks you!!! And (has noticed?) — what NEW YEAR'S pogodka! Perhaps and the truth all and all will be in coming year well … Allow to believe! Whole in ladoshki! Alexey. P. S. Alas, me it is sad, that you will meet New year with the gopher. One consoles — that in the company. Though it, of course, means nothing … To mine Lyoshe, on January, 1st, 19-57 (From old year in the new!) Lyosh! Good morning, day, evening — I do not know, time reference points were lost. I in seven mornings only have heard first whisperings Morfeja, so now broken (has risen hour per three days). It is good, that the head is not ill also a hang-over is not present, and that absolutely the fads would cast away. But the weariness in me was poured on the ears, already gurgles. Yesterday (when we were on the main fur-tree around 21st hour) at me suddenly — time! — the voice also was gone! About as! But today (fie-fie) I talk normally. There has passed a holiday more or less cheerfully: stirred, danced, drank-ate, looked a TV set, blew up any pyrotechnics … Mood now not clear. And how at you all has passed-was and is? P. S. What you thought — recollected you more often, thought of you! Thanks for SmS-ku, it was lovely, thin and creative. CHmok! CHmok! Languid Alinka. To Alina, on January, 1st, 21-13 (Glad) Alinas, it is glad, that the holiday at you is more or less daring (though you and has not completely told about him … After all there were still gifts, kisses and so forth!). I have spat upon a holiday at o'clock in the morning and have laid down to sleep sluggishly and immoderately. Atmosphere in the house and now for various reasons not so celebratory. And I here sit and persistently I think over a foolish problem: WHERE you slept with 7‑ми mornings to 3‑х day and, certainly, with whom … Alinka, with me be frank! You know, that it is better to me to speak the truth, and that I all the same then will extort-learn the truth, and to me it will be a hundred times heavier from your lie. So: at you with it something was? Thanks, that RECOLLECTED me. And in general, and I the fool, and you am not better: it was necessary to meet a holiday together! Alex. To mine Lyoshe, on January, 2nd, 11-01 (31 deck. Has smoothly flowed in 2 janv.) Lyosh! Good morning! I confess as on spirit. I slept with 7‑ми to 3 with three bodies: on one sofa 2 boys both 2 girls. And this terrible narrowness (who snores who turns, and someone — very greedy — the blanket on itself drags) has transformed my sweet dream into a nightmare! With Kolkoj (if so it is interesting to you!) we had for New Year's days only once, and that — oralno. And, certainly, not to the end (because, pretty I, up to the end happens only to you because only you at me such TASTY!). And you, podi, with the wife of of bed do not get out?! Too admit as on spirit!. About ours with you the MEETING I think, but most likely I will decide after January, 5th. Do not take offence! To me today there comes the girlfriend from Budyonnovsk of day on 2, therefore even to the Internet, probably, will not leave at all, I will be everywhere from it. Gifts were everyones: basically every possible cocks, birds and other living creatures in different kinds. Kolka (I anticipate a question) has presented ear rings — simpatjashnye. I hope, at you all a buzzing. Be not loaded! Take care! Alinka. To Alina, on January, 3rd, 22-30 (Council) You in vain do not look «the Vanilla sky». Alex. To mine Lyoshe, on January, 3rd, 22-32 (O'k!) To run! I hope, still tomorrow (or the day after tomorrow) skontachimsja! Smoke. To mine Lyoshe, on January, 5th, 22-32 (Here and I!) Lyosh! Good evening! Health not all that well! Malyoho pjanenkaja! Excuse! If you wish to meet tomorrow — write in how much. Good night! I kiss you! Alinka. To Alina, on January, 5th, 22-50 (And it I!) Alinas, if this SOBER decision, — at 15-00. Well? I lived all these days as if in anabiosis. Yesterday, for example, slept 13,5 hours — since 23-30 evenings to 13-00 days!!! And in thoughts about you. Both in dreams. And in sad meditations about all bad, that already was, is and will be … Has still read-has swallowed a volley «to Odysseus of captain Blada». This novel I has gone through in 15 years, since then did not re-read and has now received the vastest pleasure. If hosh — ladies and you to take pleasure. And now for the lack of what I read a vile thing de the Garden under the name «Philosophy in a boudoir» — such dirt, that from soul turns back. How much sex in a life (and especially — analnyj!) is purer, vozvyshennee and is more perfect (especially — at us with you!), than in similar knizhonkah. Here to you, washing darling Alina (syllable Sabatini), the full report on these days. A crime of the century, that we with you in new year have not met yet, have not embraced, have not nestled to each other and have not glanced mutually in eyes! I kiss you!!!!! I. To mine Lyoshe, on January, 6th, 20-37 (it is simple—!!!) Lyosh! All was good and is sweet! I hope, tomorrow will be even more sweet! In advance and running forward: both with Christmas, and with our anniversary you, my pleasure! I wish you this day (our day) and this year harmony in all and, certainly, health! That in your heart it was always warm, and on a shower it is quiet! And that you liked me still hot — despite of everything! You deserve the best! Let so it also will be! With a holiday!!! Thanks you, that you are! Yours and only your happy Alinka. To Alina, on January, 6th, 20-58 (Yes—!!!!!!!) Darling mine Alinka! Thanks for wonderful Christmas Eve! I congratulate on a coming Christmas! This our day both only ours and always will be now such! I kiss on the mouth, alas, completely not hristiansko-brotherly kiss! Happiness and love inescapable (to me)! Already I wait I will not wait our tomorrow's meeting! Insatiable maniac Lyosha. |
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© Rosedkin Sergey Nikolaevich, 2001 |
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E-mail: emp-reports@fustercluck.com |
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