- Sergey Rosedkin -
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ME LIKES DZHULIJA ROBERTS Glik 4	Glik the fourth And the new powerful computer, Pentium  (the lout our way), has appeared at me already soon. Also has appeared absolutely durikom, on a freebie, by miracle. I have apprehended it as a sign-encouragement from above, as new and obvious pushing of Destiny on this sklizkoj to inclined road to a virtual tunnel-well. On Fridays, after a supper, for rasslabuhi, I like under pivko or seagulls with jam to look any boevichok or a thriller, and this evening as to spite, on the Russian channel there was a football to which I am pathologically indifferent. It was necessary to be switched to the first button, to contemplate grimaces and jumps of our All-Russia show clown of the uncle of Laziness of Yakubovich, to listen its illiterate, but at times to really amusing idle talk. And here they there, in "Miracle field", on this transfer have thought up hohmu: have suggested spectators-loham to write them letters with the treasured desires and have promised some naturally to make happy for simple for so — from width sincere. Clearly, that behind this, ostensibly, in width and, ostensibly, the sincere looked through frankly advertising-greedy inquiries of fathers-owners growing decrepit and losing a rating program (personally I two it did not look a year), well lines with them: and suddenly also will have luck? However, to me in lotteries never carried, but there was a mood of minute, Someone under lokotok has pushed-torknul, I took a sheet of paper, a ball pen have antediluvian written clumsy handwriting, I want-wish supposedly the computer in a gift from the uncle of Laziness to receive, have subscribed honour on honour: «Unlucky Sergey such», has sealed an envelope, the letter next morning has sent and — has forgotten about him at all. Well, so it is easy to imagine mine obaldyozh when month through ones and a half, in the next transfer of "Miracle field" the miracle was really occurred-has happened: has taken out old пердун* my inquiry-ticket from lots haljavnyh demands. I am direct there and then in an armchair and — as beauty Vivien after opera viewing was expressed — was not described nearly. However, when I have received the unexpectedly-invaluable gift, have got home from capital with torments and hassles (it is a theme for the separate story), have mounted, have examined-has felt — was found out, what is it only Celeron, but, however, with quite decently-powerful dispersed processor in 400 megahertz, and, I will repeat, to the presented computer in a cache-memory do not look. Thus, at me unexpected possibility up to the end vooruzhitsja-okompjuteritsja was drew, to become the high-grade heaped up teapot. My Anna Ioannovna, certainly, on set aside "four" pritsenochnyj an eye has put the in the moment: say, we will tyre out-will alloy it yes we will buy, at last, to it decent boots and the present gloves and if remain grshi, that, well, priobretyom and me what-any kurtchonku, and that with me nearby along the street already and to go it is a shame. I have combined unintelligently accurate fig and have palmed off on mine blagovernoj under its snub-nosed nose and time, and another: here to you, the darling, boots, and here to you and gloves! You do not know former four steams of boots and five pairs gloves where to put-store — all apartment is hammered veshchyom-shmutyom, two built in cases and one polished immense wardrobe of a Brezhnev's epoch are cracked-burst contents. But also it yet all. Bratan it as uslyhal-has learnt about my prize of a brand new Pentium, has there and then ridden on the mustang "CHeroki", undertook to hint thickly about that would like to take away back now the computer … Hardly has beaten off, has got rid delavara of the insolent. With the further destiny 486‑го all at me has already been thought over-is counted: it should be transformed in the course of torgashesko-exchange operation to missing components of my computer well-being. I hate shopkeepers! I on a scent do not take out them, these impudent smelly ** dealers! But not Anna to ask and, especially, not to the brother its Vovan to trust was destiny of selling my poor low-power computer with a stone in 80 MHz and the screw-winchester only in 410 mbyte. Though I knew-had a presentiment: the seller-hunter on such car to find trudnyohonko is there should be a teapot from teapots with the enormous and sonorous whistle. But me has carried-has had luck — only I at job, in publishing house at myself, has given a hint in conversation that I have on sale the computer - "four", there and then to me our mechanic on cars Ivan Valentinovich has jumped up: I take! I first was restive, wished after all to get rid more expensively, but was quickly counterbalanced: first, Ivan Valentinovich of the just will not deceive, secondly, even if my former computer at it and will be capricious, it to torment me not begins, itself to consult, well and, thirdly, if both of us the transaction remain are happy, after all it and with new my device much that can help-advise me … — How much ask? — Ivan Valentinovich has asked. — How much will give, — I was restive, and after all wished to ask-demand vymechtannuju the sum of seven and a half thousand rublikov: just exactly on all desired lacking to the complete set zhelezjaki. Ivan Valentinovich has arrived to us home, has suppressed long loafs musi, has knocked in plenty on kejborde, carefully all has tested "security officer" (specially the disk with the program has for this purpose brought), then has removed a casing of a computer and all interiors dusty has examined-has sniffed, then has taken out a verdict: — Eight thousand. — It agree!!! — I have screamed. And already after we have packed a computer and the monitor into boxes from under my new Pentium after Ivan Valentinovich has examined-has felt-has tested, approvingly clinking language, both mine Pentjushu, and we washed on kitchen the successful transaction svezhemolotym coffee (Ivan Valentinovich — the rested nondrinker), I has not restrained and has blurted out from surplus of feelings: — And I and for seven have and a half given! On what always the counterbalanced, unperturbable Ivan Valentinovich with all the heart vshohotnul and is perfect under the scenario of "Beauty" with Richard Gere's intonation has calmed: — And I and eight have and a half given!. In a week of bustle on salons and shops (by itself, darling "Hacker" with its hakersko-gangster prices I for mile обегáл) my computer corner-oasis in the house popolnilsja-doukomplektovalsja completely. And I first of all have got the decent matrix printer «Epson LQ-100 +» with 24‑мя igolochkami. The printer then has much helped me with my main business. What there private customers! Not the main thing customers, the main thing, that I had subsequently possibility all necessary materials from the Network to unpack, that without hindrances and slowly to study-re-read … I have snipped off and rather bright scanner «Mustek-6000 SP» with an internal payment that the photos necessary to me and articles from magazines-newspapers to drive in the computer, to fill up file Dzhulii. It was ruined and on a modest sound map «Yamaha-719» together with unpretentious columns «Maxxtro SPK202» — and I and was not going to musical disks-pancakes to listen, I was going to-dreamt to find and hear in bottomless aether-space Internet’a laughter Dzhulii. Has bought for something is absolutely overindulgence! — skromnenky mikrofonchik for 75 re, the Chinese punching … However, almost all iron was the Chinese-malajzijskogo manufactures, well to me, of course, not to a swagger — to Japan with South Korea and furthermore I would not pull «white assemblage». And so at me still even remains the gróshej-finance on a 10-hour map of Internet connection. But here that the most foul: Three days prior to purchase of this Internet map the price has jumped up on them rovnyohonko twice — instead of 13 roubles in an hour, we of a bough-monopolistka хрéнова has started to tear up "Telecommunication" already on 26 one rubles in an hour of the Internet. Without small — a dollar-dollar! And why to me would be not to buy at once, in the first days after the transaction with Ivan Valentinovichem, five-six maps for emergency?!. However, with these capitalists-monopolists unless you will keep up — that want, turn back!. Pederasts smelly! But soon the question with the admission-visa in the web country was happily resolved. Yes differently also could not be, I and did not doubt, that Somebody and further begins me to help with it. And here the same Ivan Valentinovich somehow, to conversation, was asked-has taken an interest: the pier, whether is pleasant to me my provider? — You know: the provider at me, as well as at all in ours the God forgotten Baranove, one also call its "Telecommunication", and klikuha — the Robber Smelly! — I have answered. — Sergey, yes you directly poet, really, in sense — over the earth soar. At Technical university there is a powerful server, and they not only to the students and post-graduate students provide preferential access to the Internet, but also to ours. Find any antediluvian student without the computer, register on it the Pentium, to it dvadtsatochku for efforts will pay extra … Ba, — Ivan Valentinovich, — yes at you has suddenly recollected the spouse — the post-graduate student … Here that and it! I, certainly, and itself about Anna have recollected-has thought at once, but to me there and then on heart have as though scratched: oh as it would not be desirable, that it, my Anna Ioannovna, to it had kasatelstvo. It, what, to it I in any measure will be obliged for my appointments with Dzhuliej?. But, on the other hand, I, blood from a nose, should at least 10 hours per month for these appointments have, and at my salary in 630 roubles if I will allocate-unfasten for it 260 — my Anna Ioannovna me zagryzyot or, than that is worse, itself will hang. So it is necessary the conscience and muzhesku pride-arrogance to restrain and call in accomplices of the matrimonial crime the own spouse. When I have explained-has explained all to Anna on fingers and by means of the calculator, she, certainly, a half-word against — has there and then run in BGTU, the contract has signed, has paid only 120 one rubles and has received a piece of paper with phone numbers and a login-password which 24 hours per month — gave the chance to walk full days in the web Disneyland already! Here already now I will be developed, now I will travel thoroughly on all corners-zakoulochkam of the World wide web — it is time, at last, and to "look through" the network literature, any Internet magazines yes libraries to see … (Running forward, I will tell, that much later I have casually learnt: it appears, not only Baranovsky's server of a technical state university without problems gave to students-post-graduate students, but also teachers, and in general all employees of all schools, colleges, high schools of a city a preferential exit in Web space — here I bit elbows for insult-rage for the lopouhost and business ignorance.) But here again in all ugly growth there was one intricate problem which we with the wife all could not resolve-remove in any way. The matter is that the first computer was given by Vovan as though to both of us — by an anniversary of a matrimonial life. Also it was meant, as I already mentioned what to knock we on keys and we will drive mysha on myshkodromu by turns, everyone for the need-care. But somehow so it has turned out, that Anna so never plainly and has not worked on "four", and has not learnt to switch on independently it and to start programs. And about Internet connection and speech could not be: I only from afar hardly have shown it an edge of this virtual wonderful country and again have at all pushed aside it from the screen. However, and Anna was somehow indifferent to the computer, for it it for certain was-was represented only a typewriter, and time of global typing in its dissertational destiny has not come yet. When pojavilsja-has fallen from sky Pentium, at me flashed interesting myslishka-zadumka: to leave the four in the house and to fix it to the wife — that to mine "Pete" even on kilometre to approach is not dared. However dreams of the modem and the printer should be realised-introduced, and in one-room apartment two computers is, of course, a full radiating nonsense. From the new computer I while am total drove away Anna on that basis, that-de the car passes obkatku — it is necessary to suffer. And here from Technical University with a login in a pocket on a cheap input my Anna Ioannovna has come to the Network and from a threshold to me declared: everything, road and razedinstvennyj while to me a guarantee on access to the computer you will not give — any password you will not receive. We «a storm in desert», unlike American-Iraq, stormed-rattled all hour two, but on heat was not slabzhe — by no means. Anna has surrendered, when I have some times repeated-has hammered in unreasonable it kurichi brains following rather simple data: — Understand, at last, I can divide without problems the winchester into two disks, you will have a personal hard disk in two gigabajta, will work separate Windows, the Word and in general will be as though the separate computer … You of it want? But then, expensive and razedinstvennaja, you should supervise job of an antivirus and every week to update its bases, you regularly most should start Norton Utilites — to scan and defragmentirovat a disk, to clean the register, to clear Recycle Bin … you, the darling, you will adjust browser Explorer and e-mail Outlook Express, ICQ … I do not say the, what itself will establish on the computer and independently to master Fine Reader, Adobe Photoshop and other PageMaker’ы … You want it? It?! Anna Ioannovna how it was found out, did not want it — and when then to knit a sweater-jacket? She perfectly saw, how I stoop behind the display hours and I fall out-come up of the virtual world with goggle on-rachi and red, yes that there red, — claret eyes as if it was smoked marihuana on the cerebellum. Have come, eventually, to the following pact-agreement: Anna will be approached-come nearer to the computer strictly from my permission and under my management, and that, basically, for nastukivanija texts, on the screw for it the folder personal will be specially prepared-is made, without me in no event and under any pretext the car not to switch on, even if the bratan-brother-in-law will be secured and it will demand to make … I, however, on everyone the fireman has blocked an input in the window and has sealed a virtual mail box a reliable code-password — «jurob». Dzhurob! __________________ * I am sorry for my "co-author". I have not erased this rude mot only because very much it neatly is-shaped and is not jammed. However, Sergey could be to Yakubovich and is more tender: as do not twirl, and — the benefactor. ** I wished podsokratit-clean or replace with synonyms here and there this liked estimated a prislove-epithet of the author "Dzhulii", yes, pomajavshis, have left an invention: equivalent replacement in Russian is not present, and without this juicy word it much loses the text. <<<Glik the third Glik the fifth>>>
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© Rosedkin Sergey Nikolaevich, 2001
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