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P. 13	Dostoevsky's suicide (Continuation) 4 It, this love, only for a short instant has returned Dostoevsky by a happy sanguineous life. Let's not stop in detail on all peripetias its difficult mutual relations with Suslovoj — about it it is written already sverhdostatochno. In a context of a theme of the given research it is interesting to note-track only, what despair was reached at times by Dostoevsky in «years of affinity» with this infernalnoj the woman. At external angelic beauty Apollinarija possessed such far not angelic character that could finish to suicide of the person and with more counterbalanced character, than at Dostoevsky. And it was naklonna to a suicide and even tried to finish itself. Researchers of creativity of Dostoevsky not without justification believe, that, recollecting Apollinariju Suslov, the writer created images of such heroines, to put it mildly — with original characters, as Nastasja Filippovna ("Idiot"), Liza ("Demons"), Katerina Ivanovna («Brothers Karamazovy»), well and, of course, in the first and main turn — polina in "Player". Their novel has begun quite logically. The young student-writer (it hardly has more 20) gets acquainted with Dostoevsky during one of literary evenings at the very beginning of 1861, offers in magazine "Time" the story "While" which is soon safe and pojavljaetsja-is printed on its pages. Naturally, acquaintance young beautiful and emancipated avtorshi with the actual editor of magazine develops into more serious and mutual feeling. Neither an age difference almost in twenty years, nor presence though already and not passionately liked and besides seriously sick, but nevertheless the lawful wife-spouses, a chronic lack of money-poverty (the circumstance which completely not is not painting the man-boyfriend), — nothing has stopped, has not kept Feodor Mihajlovicha from delightful, but precipitate rapprochement with Apollinariej prokofevnoj. In turn, neither an age difference, nor family-marriage nesvoboda the elect, its lack of money, even own maidenly innocence (in those days still extremely important factor!) also have not stopped the young girl from attractive, but a precipitate step. They have converged — a plait and a stone … Initial, Petersburg, the period of their relations though has been painted, as it always and happens, a bright flame of suddenly flashed passion, but was a little saddened by that it was necessary taitsja-disappear, be very cautious, constrain displays of the feelings. Really their love should inflame on joint travel on abroad — far away from the house, from Maria Dmitrievny, from journal burdensome cares, from annoying creditors who, certainly, did not promote maintenance of the high spirits so necessary in passionate reckless love. Dostoevsky rested very big hopes of this love. It has revived its dreams on original, present and life-giving relations with the woman which only and can make a life of the man rather high-grade and happy. Our plans do not include analysis of moral aspects of the given question (the dry scientific turn is applicable-is used!), it is important to us to track-find out, as the writer-realist who lost a head and has forgotten at all about rigid and severe realism of the valid life has been punished Sudboju for the mad passion. Heavens, certainly, could not approve-bless this communication in any way, this criminal from the point of view of morals and strict moralists love-passion. So, Apollinarija the first, not having waited Dostoevsky (accident with "Time" closing has detained him), goes abroad and it is waited-waits Feodor Mihajlovicha in Paris. We will notice, by the way, that magazine wreck can be considered as punishment from above for reckless and criminal communication. But the lover exhausted to a limit which have been pulled out at last from Russia, also does not suspect, that was occurred-has come true already and catastrophic wreck of its love and that in Paris it should fall in a despair chasm. For research realism it is necessary to mention, that not only the love subject attracted Dostoevsky abroad. Certainly, liked, desired and also burning down (as to it it was still dreamt) from mutual passion the woman, it, certainly, — first. Secondly, he again, will see-will look Europe, the places liked already and masterpieces of world painting. Well and, thirdly, at last it is fated to it and to the full to taste exciting, magical, sweet poison ruletochnoj games, to break during a uniform instant an enormous large sum and to jump out eventually of poverty-poverty once and for all of what he too already in dreams dreamt for a long time … "Secondly" it udalos-has turned out quite: the writer again, as well as for a year before, has had time to visit for short term Germany, France, Switzerland, Italy. As to "thirdly" also it first udalos-has come true as if on magic: in the first game in Wiesbaden Dostoevsky wins the enormous sum for it — 10 000 francs. It approximately about 2500 roubles and if to consider, that Feodor Mihajlovich has left Petersburg with those pity rests from 1500 roubles which have been given out to it on credit Litfondom that were saved after calculation with creditors and ostavlenija some sums on expenses to the wife, the stepson and the widow of the brother it is possible to present by what Krezom he has felt-has felt itself(himself) and in what euphoria was stayed-was after a fabulous prize. Even its letter to sister of the wife,  V.D.Konstant, sent on August, 20th/1 September/, 1863 from Paris when after Wiesbaden there have passed some days (and besides its love already suffers accident!) — and that letter it is overflowed by emotions, excitation, dizziness and delight from such fantastic good luck on a roulette. Alas, this passion to game will really exceed at Dostoevsky heat of all other and all passions, but speech about it at us ahead. While we will notice, that in the falteringly-convulsive letter on tone to Barbarian Dmitrievne as though draught fragments with details ruletochnoj games to the future novel "Player" already contain and Dostoevsky's recognition, figuratively speaking, about the first ominous zvonochke-prevention future ruletochnyh accidents soderzhitsja-breaks. Feodor Mihajlovich, as though itself trying not to give to it of value, zabaltyvaja this fact, informing on him hasty and somehow casually, nevertheless informs the sister - in-law: from ten just over thousand francs it nevertheless has lowered-has lost half — well, absolutely casually! And in general, in a roulette nobody is able to play. Well, unless, two-three persons. And other all lose completely. « Be seven spans in a forehead, with the most iron character and nevertheless will break. Philosopher Strahov and that would break … »And the game secret, appears,« is awfully silly and simple and consists in being kept constantly, nesmotrja on any phases of game and not to get excited. That's all, also it is simply impossible to lose thus, and will win likely … » Certainly, Feodor Mihajlovich absolutely even not cool "philosopher Strahov", but even to it was possible to interrupt with any miracle falling in a precipice of full loss, to stop, be kept, get out, braid itself and to leave Wiesbaden and a half a prize away and far away. And it was its first and last victory over by itself, over the painful narcotic passion to a roulette. While it, having sent a part of money to suffering relatives to Petersburg, directs, at last, to Paris where it the awful failure-cataclysm with its pensive point "first" already waits. Here here also the law was showed once again visually «filched» in Dostoevsky's destiny which it was already mentioned. As well as in a case with Maria Dmitrievnoj some years prior to that, all has repeated up to details: again it was necessary to Feodor Mihajlovichu to release from itself liked as on its way meets young both absolutely insignificant krasavchik, and Dostoevsky's beloved loses a head, betrays their hot love and in general is going to to connect the life-destiny with the new lover. Dostoevsky's to researchers-biographers has carried, that in the given love story both protagonist — writers. And Apollinarija Suslov has created-has composed on this material the story for a long time already forgotten by readers «Another's and the», and Feodor Mihajlovich has written the known novel "Player", but also many pages of diary Suslovoj are devoted its mutual relations with Dostoevsky, and is frequent in letters of the writer of those years name Apollinarii is mentioned. At least punktirno we will recollect-will restore a plot of this love drama. Suslov meets in Paris a certain young student-Spaniard of El Salvador, it falls in love, given to it and tries to warn-stop Dostoevsky from arrival by the letter-recognition: «You go a little late …» Feodor Mihajlovich have not had time to receive the stunning letter-news and the shock in direct conversation-explanation from the liked has been compelled to go through-take out. Here is how has without delay represented melodramaically this for certain drama scene itself Apollinarija in the diary. She has informed it, that already late: «He has hung a head. — I should know all, we will go somewhere and tell to me, or I will die … <…> When we have entered into its room, it has fallen to my feet and, compressing, having embraced, with sobbing my knees, has loudly begun to sob: ²ja has lost you, I knew it!. ² » Let's excuse to insignificant writer Suslovoj it «with sobbing … has begun to sob», but it to pass Feodor Mihajlovicha's limiting despair has managed. And further in a diary — an amazing detail, it is absolutely exact and it is significant characterising the author of "White nights", «Humiliated and offended» and repeating-copying, besides, its Siberian period zhenihovstva. It extorts at Suslovoj who its such happy contender and, having received particulars, feels "disgusting", but even in something and consolatory feeling: «… to it it became easier, what is it not the serious person, not Lermontov». Probably, have gone Destiny contenders to Dostoevsky not insignificant vergunovyh-salvadorov, and Lermontov or, let us assume, Lev Tolstoi Feodor Mihajlovich hardly would go through then a victory of such contender … While it, it is perfect in the spirit of and style of the heroes, persuades Apollinariju not to break off till the end of relations with it, he agrees to remain-be only the friend, the brother — everybody if only to be nearby, to save though any hopes of returning of its love and to make together as they and dreamt, travel across Europe. And, as it is amazing, so all and happens-has occurred: they really travelled together (the Spaniard, as they say, having achieved the, soon to Suslov has thrown), stopped in hotels in one number, the truth, two-room, but all time were together, alone, and relations between them were established absolutely phantasmagoric. Here still characteristic fragments of diary Apollinarii: «… Hours per ten (evenings. – N. N) we drank tea. Having terminated it, I as this day has got tired, have laid down on bed and have asked to sit down Feodor Mihajlovicha to me more close. To me it was good. I took his hand and long held in the. He has told, that so it is very good to it to sit. <…> suddenly it has suddenly risen, wished to go, but has faltered over the boots laying beside a bed and as it was hasty turned back also villages. — <…> You do not know, that now with me were! — he has told with strange expression. — What is? — I have looked at his face, it was very uneasy. — I now wished to kiss your foot. — Ah, what for it? — I have told in strong confusion, almost a fright and having picked up feet. — So I wanted, and I have decided, that to a kiss. Then he asked me, whether I wish to sleep, but I have told, that was not present, it would be desirable to sit with it. <…> Then he kissed me very hotly … <…> Today it has reminded of yesterday and has told, that was drunk. (Dostoevsky — is drunk?! Truly, that only you will not think up from confusion! — N. N) <…> Yesterday Feodor Mihajlovich again to me stuck. He said, that I too seriously and strictly look at things which that does not stand … <…> It had thought, what is it a whim, desire to torment. — You know, — he spoke, — that the man cannot so long be tormented, he, at last, will stop to achieve … <…> I have with great feeling twisted his neck with hands and have told, that it for me has much made, that to me it is very pleasant. — No, — he has told is sad, — you go to Spain. To me it is somehow terrible and sick – it is sweet from hints about With <alvadore>. <…> What chasm of contradictions in its relations to me! Feodor Mihajlovich again has made light of all and, leaving from me, has told, that to it it is humiliating so me to leave (it was at 1 o'clock in the morning. I undressed laid in bed). "For Russians never receded … ²» Only to imagine: Apollinarija dreams-dreams of El Salvador, but not in forces while to leave and Dostoevsky; it is burnt with passion to it, thirsts to achieve former affinity, offers stojanno-was perseveringly a hand and heart (at the live wife!), however, she severely coquets-plays with it, supporting a flame of its passion, but almost not supposing to itself, and, on Feodor Mihajlovicha's bitter guess-statement, cannot excuse to it, that has given it the innocence and now revenges. But she, in turn, has been possibly, sincerely convinced, what is it it forced it and forces to suffer and admits already later (record from September, 24th, 1864), that at times simply hated it for these sufferings caused to it … In many respects convincing accents in mutual relations of the writer with Apollinariej were placed still by Ampere-second. Dolinin in 1928 in introductory article to the book And.  P.Suslovoj «Years of affinity with Dostoevsky». So, it is impossible to disagree with this respectable dostoevskovedom, for example, that deep psychological motives of their love-hatred can be found out in «Notes from an underground», in "Idiot" (Nastasja Filippovna — Totsky) and even in «Confession Stavrogina». Suslov explained in a diary the reason of flashes of the hatred to Dostoevsky, in particular, and that it «the first has killed in it belief». He, from its part, understood it, felt-realised the fault: not without reason the idea «Notes from an underground» has superseded for a while idea-plan of "Player" which has been conceived earlier. No, at first as though a repentance, a confession, then — the description, the novel. Yes, such is nature, such is a duality! Sincerely, absolutely sincerely is going to-dreams to be only the brother, the saviour, the comforter in summary the double again wins, voluptuous the second "I". Itself Apollinarija, having read just the first part «Notes from an underground» and not guessing direct musters of a plot-maintenance to lead with their love story, reproached with the letter of the author: «That you for the scandalous story write? <…> it is not pleasant to me, when you write tsinicheskie things. It to you somehow does not go …» It is necessary to think, the second part «Notes from an underground» Suslov read not so grumbling and more interestedly. She should make out, not recollect in painful scenes of a narration of Dostoevsky reflexions of painful scenes of their joint life-coexistence in hotels of Paris and Italy … And they and then, and more then each other tormented some time, tormented and tormented. Without a measure and it is infinite. 5 Similar relations of such people can quite finish to murder or suicide. In the letter to sister Apollinarii, Hope prokofevne, already slightly having cooled down, Dostoevsky all the same sverhemotsionalno describes-estimates the beloved and the mutual relations with it, not in a condition to hide-shade the furious insult: «Apollinarija — the sick egoist. Egoism and vanity in it are enormous. She demands from people of everything, all perfection, does not excuse uniform imperfection in respect of other good lines, itself relieves itself of the most slightest duties to people. It pricks me till now that I was not worthy its love, complains and reproaches me continuously, itself meets me in 63rd year in Paris a phrase:« You a little bit were late to arrive », that is that she has grown fond of another whereas two weeks ago still hotly wrote, that likes me. Not for love to another I reproach her, and with these four lines which it has sent me in hotel with a rough phrase:« You a little bit were late to arrive ». (In insult-anger at the professional writer slips not absolutely exact mot-definition: a phrase, so wounded its heart and sunk down in memory, not"rough", it — humiliating, almost yornicheskaja, is pejorative-derisive on sense and lexical colouring! — N. N) <…> I like it still till now, very much I like, but I any more would not like to like it. It is not necessary to such love. It is a pity to me it because, I expect, it will be eternally unfortunate … » And hardly further in this letter the present vskrik-groan of the person finished already to full despair breaks: «… After all she knows, that I like it till now. What for it torments me? Do not like, but also do not torment …» Their tragedy was aggravated also with that both of them simultaneously acted and in a role of the wolf devouring a sheep, and in a role of the sheep devoured with a wolf. If in the Underground person, Totsky and even Stavrogine in this plan there is Dostoevsky's shred to Apollinariju Suslov the writer, undoubtedly, to a greater or lesser extent remembered-recollected (except mentioned already Nastasi Filippovny, Lizy and Kateriny Ivanovny) at creation and such heroines-muchitelnits as Avdotya Romanovna Raskolnikova ("Crime and punishment"), Aglaja Epanchina ("Idiot"), Ahmakova ("Teenager"), Grushenka («Brothers Karamazovy»), but first of all, we we will repeat, — polina from "Player". About degree of despair of Dostoevsky («do not like, but also do not torment …») it is possible to make representation, getting a grasp in the text of this novel. And to begin with, as it is paradoxical, it is necessary to pay attention not to the protagonist, Alexey Ivanovicha, — unconditional alter ego of the author, and on the general, more correctly, on one essential remark to its address. Here it: «… the general so has fallen in love, that, perhaps, will be shot, if mademoiselle Blanche it throws. In its summer so to fall in love dangerously …» To Dostoevsky in «years of affinity» with Suslovoj was already for forty, it was more senior it almost twice and, certainly, in this plan a prototype of the general, instead of Alexey Ivanovicha, to which only hardly more than twenty as though are. At summer of Feodor Mihajlovicha so to fall in love it was dangerous, it to it just right was to be shot, when he has learnt from young Apollinarii about the humiliating resignation. Here again there is one more extremely essential nuance, which rather mnogoznamenatelen. The matter is that the remark-remark concerning hypothetical suicide of the general from unfortunate love belongs to Alexey Ivanovichu, and he says-drops it in conversation with polinoj. And how it reacts? polina thoughtfully agrees: «— it seems To me, that with it something will be …» Here so a kind female heart! It is possible to think, to depth of soul it is a pity to it of the aged lady's man. But what she does-gets up with Alexey Ivanovichem about which suicide intentions even to guess it is not necessary — he repeats-repeats them openly? Here their characteristic love dialogue: Alexey Ivanovich is persevering, even is aggressive in the recognitions-harassments, it on a map, more correctly, as though on ruletochnyj has put a game very much — the life: «— I really consider myself have the right to do to you any questions <…> just because is ready to pay off somehow for them, and the life I consider now in what. polina has laughed loudly: — You to me last time, on SHlangenberge, have told, that are ready to rush by first my word downwards golovoju, and there, apparently, to thousand foots. I will sometime say this word is unique then, to look, as you will pay off, and be assured, that I will stand firm. You to me are hated, — that I so have allowed you … »much And further, when polina has left, the Player, in turn, in thoughts tries to place points over i in the relation to it: «And more time now I have asked myself a question: whether I like it? And more time has not managed on it to answer, that is, it is better to tell, I again, in 100-th time, have answered myself, that I hate it. Yes, it to me was hated. There were minutes (namely each time at the end of our conversations), that I would give half-lives to strangle her! I swear, if would be possible to ship slowly in its breast a sharp knife I, seem to me, would seize for it with pleasure. And meanwhile, I swear everything, that is sacred if on SHlangenberge, on a fashionable pointe, she has really told to me:" rush downwards "I immediately would rush, and even with pleasure. I knew it …» If Feodor Mihajlovich, in its summer, literally also did not appear in such situation, did not threaten Apollinarii Suslovoj to "come off" any mountain during their joint travel all the same the similar subject course is not invented and is not imagined by it completely from a head: at the moment of creation of the given episode the writer has recollected, possibly, companion-petrashevtsa Filippova. This courageous and hot young man would dare, on Dostoevsky's assurance on a consequence, «to come off the Isaakievsky cathedral if there would be somebody beside, whose opinion it would value also which would began to doubt that it will rush downwards …» But it is important to us to know-understand, that even if Dostoevsky and did not think, was not going to literally to be come off-rush in a precipice, however, it is possible not to doubt, that the description of love-hatred poliny and Alexey Ivanovicha a lot of documentary, in dreams of the hero about suicide it is a lot of autobiographical. And hardly only at the moment of novel creation-writing there was in creative imagination of a prototype-author such ominous, but quite logical synthesis of thoughts-intentions about murder and suicide what has occurred, eventually, in the inflamed consciousness of the Player. He again and again admits-threatens poline: «— Whether <…> you Know, what I sometime will kill you? Whether <…> know still, that to us together to go dangerously: me it is many times insuperable pulled to beat you, to spoil, strangle. <…> if I will sometime kill you, it is necessary after all and myself will kill; well so — I as can to be killed, that this intolerable pain without you to feel …» Both further Alexey Ivanovich again and again starts to repeat maniacally about SHlangenberg and that it would come off by its first word. polina a problem even more toughens, for the present in ridiculous imagination: she demands from Alexey Ivanovicha to agree under its first requirement-desire to kill any person. The player agrees. However, he guesses what to kill to it it will be ordered — if is! — just the contender, Frenchman De Grie. In addition he cannot believe up to the end in any way, that polina speaks quite seriously. Only then it will reach, that it, maybe, at all and did not joke. But itself polina breaks the mad auction pejorative and, besides, terrible, ominous inherently the resume: «— And what you think, you I will regret? I will order (to kill. — N. N), and itself aside I will remain. You will transfer it? Yes is not present, where to you! You, perhaps, also will kill by order of, and then and me will come to kill that I dared to send you …» As we see, the chain of prospective events is built the such: the Player by order of poliny kills the Frenchman, then kills her, and then and — itself. Fortunately, all it has ended with a malicious and ridiculous joke at that stage — polina transforms outlined was tragedy in a farce: instead of an is terrible-self-destructive feat she has demanded from the Player only a hooligan trick. Alexey Ivanovich under its order-whim starts trite silly scandal, "tomfoolery", with absolutely extraneous people … Not once or twice still the Player it will be persevering if not to tell — annoyingly, to offer poline "head", only irritating it to these. However, and polina knows-feels, that Alexey Ivanovich does not joke, — it does not lead up it to the latest line of despair. But nevertheless our hero, eventually, makes original suicide — if not physical, moral if it is possible so to be expressed, — destiny suicide. It as though kills the future, all rest of a life. It poisons itself(himself) for ever and definitively GAME, perishes. And in many respects — because of poliny. To win for it, to rescue it from a humiliating monetary enormous debt in fifty thousand francs, Alexey Ivanovich and hurries on a roulette. Before he meaningly and essentially did not play, feeling-suspecting in itself of the player — is exact so the person inclined to an alcoholism, tries not to smell at all spirits not to break in hard drinking painfully and recklessly. Probably, as Dostoevsky on road to Paris to desired Apollinarii has turned to Wiesbaden not in the last instance because of dream to appear before a beloved not with pennies in a purse, and the such generous boyfriend-lover after a fair prize. As we remember, the first game more than has gone right to it. Has carried, certainly, in the beginning and to Alexey Ivanovichu. Even now, when and in our democratic country the casino very few people from us could try exciting danger ruletochnoj games already prosper. It is necessary therefore hardly to re-read-quote more in detail a gambling scene from the novel personally to see-imagine that other-wordly on pressure and vypleskam emotions atmosphere "voksala" a-casino in what spent many hours Feodor Mihajlovich. «At the eleventh o'clock (evenings. — N. N) gambling tables still have present, desperate players for whom on waters there is only one roulette which have arrived for it one which badly notice, that round them occurs, and are interested in nothing during all season but only play since morning till the night <…>. It was not so close, so I have very soon taken a place at a table standing. Directly predo I, on green cloth, had been drew a word:" Passe "." Passe "is a number of figures from nineteen inclusive to thirty six. The first number, from the first to eighteen inclusive, is called"Manque"; but what business to me was before? I did not count, I at all have not heard, on what figure last blow has laid down, and about it has not consulted, beginning game, counting player everyone slightly has as though made. I have pulled out all my twenty fridrihsdorov and have thrown on were predo me"passe". <…> I have won — and have again put all: both former, and a prize. <…> Again a prize! In total, so, at me eighty fridrihsdorov! I have set all eighty on twelve average figures (a threefold prize, but two chances against myself) — the wheel was started turning, and there were twenty four. To me have laid out three parcels on fifty fridrihsdorov and ten gold coins; everything, with former, has come to be at me two hundred fridrihsdorov. I was as in a fever and have set all this heap of money on red — and have suddenly come round! And only time in all this evening, in all game, fear has passed on me a cold and has responded a shiver in hands and feet. I with horror have felt and instantly soznal: чтó for me now means to lose! There was on the rate all my life! (It is necessary to underline-allocate this recognition! — N. N) — Rouge! — has shouted kruper, — and I have taken breath, fiery murashki fell down on my body. With me have paid off with bank notes; so, all four thousand florins and eighty fridrihsdorov! (I still could watch then the bill.) Then, it is remembered, I have put two thousand florins again on twelve averages and have lost; has put my gold and eighty fridrihsdorov and has lost. Furiousness has seized me: I have seized last two thousand which have remained to me of florins and have put on twelve first — so, at random, in vain, without calculation! However, there was one instant of expectation similar, maybe, by impression on impression, tested madame Blanchard when it, in Paris, flied from a balloon on the earth. (That is, Alexey Ivanovich more precisely could compare, — is similar to impression of the person who has rushed from top of mountain in a precipice! — N. N) — Quatre! — has shouted kruper. Everything, with prezhneju stavkoju, has again come to be six thousand florins. I already looked as the winner, I already anything, was not afraid now of anything and have thrown four thousand florins on the black. The person nine has rushed, after me, too to put on the black. Krupery exchanged glances and exchanged words. Around spoke and waited. Left black. I do not remember here neither calculation, nor an order of my rates. I remember only as in a dream, that I already have won, apparently, thousand sixteen florins; suddenly, three unfortunate blows, has lowered from them twelve; has then set last four thousand on "passe" (but almost felt nothing thus; I only waited, somehow mechanically, without thought) — and have again won; then has won four more times in succession. I remember only, that I took away money in thousand … <…> I think, from my arrival of time have passed no more a half an hour. Suddenly kruper has notified me, that I have won thirty thousand florins and as the bank for once any more does not answer, that, so, a roulette will close till tomorrow's morning. I have seized all my gold, poured it in pockets, have seized all tickets and have immediately passed to other table … <…> The Happiness did not interrupt! Suddenly the loud dialect and laughter around has risen. "Gallantly, gallantly!" — everything shouted, others even have clapped the hands. I have broken and here thirty thousand florins, and bank have again closed see you tomorrow!. » The player has again passed in other hall, still played and has regained consciousness only from the vskrika-information in French one of the electrified spectators-fans, that he has won already hundred thousand forints, or — two hundred thousand francs! That is — four times more than it was required for rescue poliny. Possibly, this search also has played the fatal role in the happened accident. Alexey Ivanovich who has already become by the player, made dizzy and poisoned with game, the gambling passion which has overcome passion love, then admits: he has not paid attention, that polina, being given to it that night, was-was in feverous I go, that it was gave to it not from love, and with hatred, as though to a payment for fifty thousand francs, and that she already never it will excuse to it … And now let's recollect-will present once again how Dostoevsky with Apollinariej writes to the heat of painful love explanations-findings-out to relatives choking letters on the fabulous prize. And most Suslovoj he, undoubtedly, alternately with passionate love assurances and reproaches in change did not get tired to repeat a Wiesbaden prize which, the truth, was more modest, than at the Player, ten times. But an essence not in it, an essence that for Apollinarii, as well as for poliny, words "roulette", "prize", "rate", "zero", unlike their unfortunate players-lovers, — empty phrases. On the other hand, who knows, whether Alexey Ivanovicha's roulette has rescued from the present suicide after definitive rupture with polinoj? And whether game by time and Dostoevsky in naitragicheskie rescued his life moments, allowing as though to distract, translate pressure in other plane, heat of emotions-experiences of game as though to dip-stushevat heat of the same love tragical experiences? To normal people, not to players to understand this painful passion difficultly enough. The native brother, Michael Mihajlovich, and that almost is indignant in the letter: «I do not understand, how it is possible to play, travelling with the woman whom you like …» And what here to understand! If the pleasure of a prize is capable to neutralise bitterness of love failures the despair from shattering loss and at all can cover all and all other experiences at least for a while in any measure. And losses, alas, have not kept itself waiting long. As it was already mentioned, together with the emotional letter from August, 20th, 1863 Dostoevsky sends relatives to Petersburg and a part of the won money. And already a week later, on August, 27th, from Baden-Baden — too ruletochnogo small town where it has directed from Paris itself and has carried away behind itself to Suslov, Feodor Mihajlovich sends-sends to the same  V.D.Konstant the desperate letter: it was lost completely, For God's sake, send back money!. And how much time will appear Dostoevsky subsequently in similar the extremely humiliating and even shameful position because of infinite losses. Truly, game, as well as an alcoholism, — voluntary madness and even suicide. And, the person subject to passion, fine understands-realises it. Lips of the Englishman of Mr. Astleja, typical cool "philosopher" like Strahova, Dostoevsky takes out to Alexey Ivanovichu (and oposredovanno and to itself!) severe, but a fair sentence-reproach for self-destruction: «— Yes, the unfortunate person, it (polina. — N. N) liked you, and I can open to you it because you are the lost person! <…> yes, you have ruined yourselves <…> you remain here (in Ruletenburge. — N. N) and your life is terminated. I do not blame you. In my opinion, all Russian are that or are inclined to be those. If not a roulette, so another similar to it. <…> the roulette is a game on advantage Russian …» Alexey Ivanovicha to rescue from a roulette, from suicide can, possibly, only creativity. If it, except here these talently written «Notes of the young man», undertakes-will begin to write-create and further — new notes, novels, to lead. About, creativity is such passion which is capable to suppress-eclipse everyones others — and ruletochnuju, both love, and self-destructive … To Dostoevsky it has been perfectly conducted! Guessed it, probably, and Apollinarija Suslov. Feodor Mihajlovicha's Prediction-prophecy in the letter to her sister that Apollinarija "will be eternally unfortunate" — was justified completely and on all hundred. In love it suffered one accidents. With the family could not get on. Its short home life with suiting to it almost in V.V. sons. Rozanovym was more than it is ridiculous and dramatic. In a public life as tried, too has not managed in any way to be defined, find the place though played a role of the emancipated woman and the nihilist. She all time a vein as in a fever, rejecting valid, eternally dissatisfied, unsatisfied, suffering and tormenting, forcing to suffer other people. And in literary creativity she searched for any exit, a way-possibility to affirm as this world to explain-understand it and in him. From its diaries and fictional experiences also it is possible to understand, how it is frequent this beautiful, proud, uncommon, but also terribly unfortunate woman was on the brink of suicide. And it is especially important to underline, that Dostoevsky was well informed about its suicide dreams-intentions. Those Parisian days when Dostoevsky learns, that «a little was late to arrive» when he is on the verge of despair, and Apollinarija as if angrily parodying corresponding scenes from «Humiliated and offended», continues to meet El Salvador and devotes Feodor Mihajlovicha in all details of the mutual relations with the Spaniard, she and decides to commit suicide. In a diary it podrobnichaet as has burnt before it some writing-books and compromising letters (here when, possibly, invaluable letters of the enamoured writer were lost and some!) as has spent night in thoughts on suicide as it has come to be cried on in the morning to Feodor Mihajlovichu shoulder as it has calmed her and has for a while reconciled with a mean life and meanness of El Salvador … About that, as the confused, painful relations with Dostoevsky too nearly have not finished this fatal woman to a suicide, we can judge in any measure on a plot of documentary-memoirs story Suslovoj «Another's and the»: in the end its heroine, Anna Pavlovna — alter ego Apollinarii prokofevny, rushes to the river … Even it is surprising, that this woman has lived to old age (almost to 80!) also has died in 1918 own death, by the way, in one year with Anna Grigorevnoj Dostoevskoj and absolutely not far from it, too in Crimea. In 1865, in an agony of mutual relations with the author «Humiliated and offended», Suslov formulates in a diary: whether «Will leave me sometime pride? No, cannot be, is better die. It is better to die from melancholy, but free, independent of external things <…> I find a life so rough and so sad, that I hardly take out it. My God, really always will be so! And whether it was necessary to be born!.» With such spirit of thoughts to live rather hard … And even — it is intolerable. 6 Creativity riddles — are inexplicable … <<<(P. 12) (P. 14)>>>
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© Rosedkin Sergey Nikolaevich, 2001
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