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P. 10	Dostoevsky's suicide (Continuation) 3 And meanwhile, the social status were petrashevtsa starts to raise. And it inspires it already concrete hopes of possibility to lead Maria Dmitrievnu under a wreath. It already the corporal, in circles of the higher military heads is considered — and is quite benevolent — a question on its manufacture in ensigns, and it, in turn, will give-will present possibility to the disgraced writer, first, again freely to be printed and, secondly, already really to strive on an exit during a state life. It would Seem, it is necessary to wait and rejoice only … But here in this time also falls upon Dostoevsky from its beloved crushing. In the beginning of June, 1856 it is illegally pulled out to Kuznetsk, meets with Isaevoj, and she admits to it "hobby" for teacher Vergunovym. And besides all of us these scenes of the played real love drama, all feelings worried by Dostoevsky, can easily present, getting a grasp of corresponding pages «Humiliated and offended». Here, for example: «— As! Itself also has told to you, what can like another, and from you has demanded now such victim? — <…> That? It is better, what l if he lies? And that he has taken a great interest, so after all it is necessary to me week with it not to be seen, he and will forget me and will grow fond of another, and then as will see me and again at my feet will be. No! It also is good, that I know, that it is not hidden from me; and that I would die of suspicions. Yes, Vanja! I have dared: if I is not at him always, constantly, every instant, he will stop loving me, will forget and will throw. It such; its everyone another behind herself can carry away. And what I then will do? I then will die... Yes what to die! I also am glad to die now! And here what to live to me without it? Here that is worse than the death, is the most worse than torments!. » It is possible to think, that here with an example something is confused, but it not so. Yes, to Ivan Petrovichu the author, by itself, has presented both lines of nature-avtoportretnosti, and the literary talent, and the behaviour of the period of the first love … But the interest just in that and consists, that the personal thoughts-feelings-experiences without memory liking, but the person doubting reciprocity ready resignedly to achieve of favour of a subject of love again and again, Feodor Mihajlovich has entrusted just to Natasha Ihmenevoj. It very visually is visible if to compare the given fragment from the novel with Dostoevsky's letter all to the same Vrangelju from July, 14th, 1856: «… I have seen it! That for noble, that for an angelic soul! She cried, kissed my hands, but she likes another. I there have spent two days. These two days she has recollected the past, and its heart has again addressed to me. <…> I have spent I do not know what two days, it was pleasure and muchene intolerable! By the end of the second day I have left with full hope. But quite probable thing, that absent always are guilty. And happens! The letter behind the letter, and again I see, that she grieves, cries and again likes it more me! <…> I do not know still, that will be with me without it. I was gone, but also it too …» Further Dostoevsky retells to the friend-companion all reasons against Maria Dmitrievny's marriage with Vergunovym, kakovye he before it stated hotly and to it, and the contender too in the letter, sent addressed to both right after a secret trip to Kuznetsk and which, alas, too was not saved. He has tried to inspire Vergunovu and liked, almost fatherlike, that-de to it, Sergey Borisovichu, in it 24 years, with the teacher's salary, with sad prospect so for ever and to get stuck in gluhomannoj Siberia, Feodor Mihajlovich for these two days in Kuznetsk "has converged" with the young contender-razluchnikom, which even at it "cried" (probably it is not necessary to ruin destiny of the woman is more senior it, formed, seeing light sick, moreover and having on hands of the child. By the way, — on a shoulder). But, possibly, again flashed feelings to it, the teacher, from Maria Dmitrievny and remoteness of the competitor have dried up again sentimentality Vergunova, and he not only has written to Dostoevsky «the answer abusive», but also has managed to "arm" Isaevu against it. «I as pomeshannyj true all this time …», — am pulled out from under Feodor Mihajlovicha's feather. Also what, eventually, does this "pomeshannyj", humiliated, again set aside and losing last hopes of reciprocity of the beloved and joint happiness with it the person? It would be possible to guess, remembering-knowing the maintenance «Humiliated and offended» but to read up given letter Vrangelju up to the end easier and more visually and to learn, that: 1) Dostoevsky continues to strive actively on the device of son Isaevoj, the Pasha, the pupil in the Siberian military school (and these efforts will crown success later); 2) strives also on allocation of an allowance to widow Isaevoj and 3) asks-begs Alexander Egorovicha to find new, more monetary place … Vergunovu! Yes, yes! Such, probably, Feodor Mihajlovich tested «kurichi feelings», that for the sake of the beloved vzjalsja-has dared to strive on the device of destiny of the happier contender. « She should not suffer. If leaves for it let though money would be. <…> it is all for it, for it one. Though in poverty it would not be, here that!. » Exactly in a week Vrangelju the new letter which brightly testifies to an aggravation of a situation and about a supercritical condition in what there is unfortunate enamoured corporal Dostoevsky is sent from Semipalatinsk. And, already in the first lines Feodor Mihajlovich, being sorry for the importunity and persistence of the requests, rolls as though in the justification becoming already habitual for it and with a maniacal shade a turn-passage: «Not potjagotites requests from me. And I would be glad for you though in water …» Further requests follow again to strive on the device of Pasha Isaeva, Maria Dmitrievne's lump sum in 285 roubles silver, kakovye will rescue it for its marriage with Vergunovym «will demand costs from which both of them of year two will not recover! And here again for it poverty, again suffering …» would Seem, Dostoevsky has completely reconciled already to an event and, can, even has calmed down for the past week, has sobbed out all tears. But is not present, as poets-romanticists are expressed, the volcano far has not ceased yet, and under ashes layer the heated lava of feelings bubbled: «… now almost on what is not capable and so at all hard I look! If though again to see it, though hour one! And though anything from this would not leave, but at least I would see it! <…> now, really, though in water! Though wine to start to drink!.» Having remembered again about ill-fated persuasive water and wine (which it hated and after two glasses of champagne severely suffered a headache), Dostoevsky besides repeats ridiculous (from the point of view of the normal person!) the request from the previous letter — to help Vergunovu to be arranged on a monetary place. And last lines exclaims: «I Repeat: though in water!.» The right, such impression, that thought-dream to be drowned pursued literally, did not leave this person! As Feodor Mihajlovich has lived of next one and a half month — it is necessary to be guessed-guess only: written certificates it was not saved. With confidence it is possible to tell only, that it with impatience, was feverishly waited-waited an officer rank. And here in the first of October it has occurred. The newly made ensign on love wings directs to rescue the happiness, but, not having official roadside to Kuznetsk, reaches only small town Zmieva. However, Maria Dmitrievna on an appointment, alas, has not arrived. However, we will address to Dostoevsky's next detailed letter to Petersburg to Vrangelju from November, 9th, 1856 with the detailed and emotional report on the affairs and a condition of the soul. But that is interesting: almost all first page of the message is devoted unfortunate love … Vrangelja. Yes, Feodor Mihajlovich calms Alexander Egorovicha, writes, that is afraid for it: « … I was in the deepest melancholy and in fear about you ». The matter is that and Vrangel during this period« has been madly enamoured in one local lady, the lady extremely decent, very rich and from a respectable family », — so its Dostoevsky in the letter to brother Michael in January, 1856 characterised. It was a question of  E.I.Gerngross whom too fairly pomotala nerves to unfortunate Alexander Egorovichu, were and at it the contender. In the same letter to brother Feodor Mihajlovich, extending about the love, about  M.D.Isaevoj's advantages  and the firm intention to marry it by all means, with conviction adds: it now the main thing in his life and without it (that is, without marriage with Maria Dmitrievnoj)« will not be necessary also to the life ». As we see, thought on an equivalence of own life and happiness of the divided love already then (before occurrence of the contender) it is strong ugnezdilas in Dostoevsky's consciousness. But here he already writes to the brother about love Vrangelja and — that? As the tone sharply varies, what cool prudence pojavljaetsja-is shown these lines: «do not give a sign Vrangelju, that you know about it, but be to it as the brother native as I was to it, hold my post, observe of it because it is capable to make dans cette affaire awful tomfooleries, that is tragical <…> watch it. It is character weak, gentle, even painful; stop it …» The situation developed idyllic, but also paradoxical enough: two enamoured friends, everyone, suffering from the love and losing a head, in relation to an unfortunate companion acts in a role of the konfidenta-confidant, and even the skilled intermediary, the unique comforter and in any measure of the supervisor keeping from «tragical tomfooleries». In the November letter to Vrangelju, expressing even pleasure because, that the invaluable friend has found in itself forces to tear with the windy beloved, Dostoevsky udovletvoryonno ascertains-consoles: «you would ruin, maybe, yourselves …» But Vrangelja at least the financial problem does not weigh, at Dostoevsky on the base from a filthy lucre all its hopes of freedom, and also of reciprocity and happiness in love stroilis-were erected. In November of 1856 monetary, is more correct — the impecunious problem has reached apogee and became a criterion of a life and Feodor Mihajlovicha's death. He writes Vrangelju: «I have asked for you money, as at the friend, as at the brother, at that time, in those circumstances when either the loop remains or a resolute act … <…> Manufacture in officers if has pleased me so just because, maybe, it will be possible to see somewhat quicker her. <…> I like it to madness, more former. My melancholy about it would reduce me in a coffin and literally (it is underlined by Dostoevsky! — N. N) would finish me to suicide if I do not see it <…> I of what more I do not think. If only to see it, if only to hear! I the unfortunate madman! The love in such kind is illness <…> or to burn or satisfy itself. <…> About, do not wish me to leave this woman and this love. It was light of my life … » Judging by last phrases, and Vrangel, in turn, stated fears, that the friend will ruin it because of love … But here, apparently, the God pays the favourable attention to the sufferer. In the end of November ensign Dostoevsky manages to arrive for five days to Kuznetsk. Points over i at last are placed: Feodor Mihajlovich does Maria Dmitrievne's official proposal and — about happiness and pleasure! — she answers "yes". He greedily informs On it in letters Vrangelju and to Michael Mihajlovichu according to 21st and on December, 22nd, 1856. And the letter is written to the brother, how is visible, in an anniversary of a performance of execution on the Semyonovsky parade-ground what were petrashevets in the heat of pleasure and does not recollect. Then, rovnyohonko 7 years ago, in already quoted letter to the same Michael the original hymn of a life sounded and the confidence was expressed: « Now deprivations to me at all and consequently be not frightened, that me will be killed by any material burden. It cannot be … »Here Dostoevsky meant, first of all, physical burden, difficulties of an unbearable and soldier's life. But expression« material burden »can be quite carried and to a lack of money, poverty. In the letter to the brother from the Peter and Paul Fortress the author of" Poor people »exclaimed:« Yes, if it will be impossible to write, I will be lost!. », — meaning, that the life without creativity simply has for it no sense. In 7 years in the letter to Vrangelju he will exclaim almost the same:« Yes if to print will not allow as early as a year — I was gone. Then it is better not to live!. »However, now it is not enough to it to have the right to write-create, badly it is necessary for it and to earn the creativity money — for the sake of Maria Dmitrievny, for the sake of maintenance of their home life that liked, nevertheless given to it preference before the contender, soon bitterly about it would not regret. But again the most remarkable in this message of the happy groom, maybe, that last lines he asks again the influential capital friend-companion («I ask you in a lap»!) to petition for Vergunova, to arrange it to Tomsk into place about 1000 rivers of the salary: «Now it to me is more expensive than the brother native …» Money Dostoevsky nazanimal-has extracted and on February, 6th, 1857 in Odigitrievsky church of of Kuznetsk its wedding with Maria Dmitrievnoj Isaevoj has taken place. The official of Kuznetsk school the teacher … Vergunov (!) was one of two «guarantors after the groom» (that is, the best man-witness) . Wedding left rather magnificent and populous. Feodor Mihajlovich was happy, oars and "has fascinated" a Kuznetsk society. However, if to take into consideration one dirty enough gossip it is quite probable, that under external cheerfulness of the groom the insult, bitterness and jealousy bubbled. Dostoevsky in the book «Dostoevsky in the image of the daughter» confidently writes love Fyodorovna, that-de «on the eve of the wedding Maria Dmitrievna has spent night at the beloved, the insignificant house teacher, that is — Vergunova». This, alas, zhiznepodobnaja a gossip, probably, became immediately known to Dostoevsky after its arrival to Kuznetsk. However. It is not excluded, that already much later Maria Dmitrievna a minute of malicious quarrel with the husband has wounded-has wounded its such recognition. Subsequently, a minute of bitter frankness, in turn Feodor Mihajlovich has shared the recent grief with Anna Grigorevnoj, and that in many years has told about this ugly history with first wife Dostoevsky (God knows from what reasons!) the matured daughter … However is any more an essence it is important. With the beginning of home life the period of other-wordly passions and the self-destructive conditions-moods connected with a love fever, in Dostoevsky's life-destiny as though comes to an end. The peak of its first love has fallen to the period zhenihovstva, and after wedding the heat has begun to decline. The ordinary home life full of economic household efforts has begun, has begun, if it is possible so to be expressed, excessive continuous dialogue of two burdened with illnesses and having far not angelic characters of people. And, at Maria Dmitrievny at all was not, as subsequently at Anna Grigorevny, a worship for talent (not speaking about the genius!) the husband. Later, already after death of the first wife, Feodor Mihajlovich in letter Vrangelju (on March, 31st - on April, 14th, 1865) quite soberly sums up-estimates and characterises the home life so: « About, my friend, she liked me is boundless, I liked it too without a measure, but we did not live from it happily. <…> in spite of the fact that we from it were positively unfortunate together (on its strange, hypochondriac and painfully fantastic character), — we could not cease to love each other; even than were more unfortunate, especially became attached to each other … » Certainly, the life of the disgraced writer after a marriage has considerably improved. On memoirs of the daughter of company commander Gejbovicha under which beginning ensign Dostoevsky served,  to Z.A.Sytinoj, we know, that it with the wife occupied a small house from four rooms, and in him «was lovely, simple and cosy», there was even «a bush volkomerii (the God knows, that for a plant! — N. N) In wooden kadochke ». Dostoevskys received visitors, gave visits. In a word, lived quite obyvatelski, in a provincial way pokojno and measuredly. It would be possible to dream up about what turmoil was brought in a life of a newly-married couple by teacher Vergunov who in August of 1857 unexpectedly gets over on service to Semipalatinsk. Has renewed or not communication-passion between it and Maria Dmitrievnoj — remains to unknown persons. But even if and so, it, most likely, already could not push Dostoevsky to thoughts on suicide in any way. It is more than that, already Feodor Mihajlovich, possibly, gave-presented to the spouse occasions to jealousy. There Was in Semipalatinsk any mysterious Marina O, absolutely very young girl to whom the ensign-writer gave lessons. According to Vrangelja when Dostoevsky in October, 1865 stayed with it in Copenhagen, they spoke-recollected about Siberia, including —« both about dead woman Maria Dmitrievne, and about beauty Marina of the Island much Which so was jealous of it (to Dostoevsky. — N. N) his wife ». Possibly, it is possible to agree with big spetsom in ljubovno-sexual questions Mark Slonimom that between spouses in Dostoevsky's family it was necessary to dream of physical harmony only, and gradually Feodor Mihajlovich has started to concern Maria Dmitrievne as to sister, as to the sick loved one demanding not man's passion, and ordinary human caress, care, careful leaving. But quiet Dostoevsky's life never was. Instead of passion, paroxysms of jealousy and love sufferings its consciousness, its life was filled with intense creativity and an amplifying epilepsy. It is literally in a week after wedding, after the first marriage nights, on a return way from Kuznetsk to Semipalatinsk when the young have stopped in Barnaul at  P.P.Semyonova (Tjan-Shansky), with Dostoevsky there was the strongest attack. The doctor makes the diagnosis: the present epilepsy also predicts — if the patient is not treated, soon during one of such attacks he will choke from throat spasms. Will die suddenly. 4 This Siberian doctor, «scientific and efficient» at which Dostoevsky «has elicited detailed frankness», has literally cast poor newly married into despair. And what stress Maria Dmitrievna has gone through! In the letter to Michael Mihajlovichu (from March, 9th, 1857 ) it is avaricious after the message on the Barnaul attack it is added — «frightened to death the wife …» And besides it is possible to agree with M.Slonimom, that opened so unexpectedly and absolutely during the improper moment Feodor Mihajlovicha's terrible illness at all did not promote a harmony and love in just developing family. It then to young Anna Grigorevne will be given by the God of wisdom and patience to concern illness of the husband without disgust and fear: mercifully, dolgoterpimo and with understanding of that Dostoevsky's epilepsy is in any measure a payment for genius, for bogoizbrannost, for immortality … However, we will go down on the guilty earth and we will return when in the author of "Poor people» and «netochki nezvanovoj» the genius nobody saw, including him and, especially, it «frightened to death» to the spouse. Dostoevsky — in grief and despondency. The doctor has advised to it to be careful of new moons, and now he in each birth of the moon will expect a new attack. That, as a rule, also happens. Even a little expert in medicine and psychology to the person it is quite clear: if the patient before the same new moon continuously thinks of an inevitable attack, to be afraid of it, to wait, the attack by all means and happens. Especially, if to have nervous nature such hypochondriac, excitable and easily giving in to suggestion, as at the author of "Weak heart». If he seriously was afraid to run into a youth in a dream in letargiju now thoughts about sudden start to pursue it and, the main thing, — premature death. For example, in the letter to elder sister of wi V.D.Konstant to Astrakhan from November, 30th, 1857 Dostoevsky quite with conviction writes: « Whether know, I have any prejudice, a presentiment, that I should die soon. Such presentiments happen almost always from suspiciousness; but I assure you, that I in this case am not hypochondriac also my confidence of a near death absolutely cool. It seems to me, that I already have lived all on light and that more anything and will not be, to what it is possible to aspire … »Last phrase is perceived directly as if revelation from an agonal note of the suicide. Subsequently Dostoevsky will predict not once or twice inevitable and ostensibly fast death, but also in parallel it, besides periodically, will test over and over again a new wave of cheerfulness and thirst of longevity. Certainly, always such splash in euphoria was promoted by any joyful event. Changes to the best. For example, it was necessary were petrashevtsu to be pulled out at last from Siberia, he in the first letter to" the dear friend »Vrangelju already from Tver exclaims:« But I believe, that my life has not come to an end yet and I do not wish to die … » However, before to find freedom and hopes of a new happy life, the disgraced writer had to put a maximum of efforts, fairly to strive, and its severe, terrible illness as it is paradoxical, became in this struggle for the clearing from the Siberian captivity Dostoevsky's main weapon. In the end of 1857 the sick ensign begins active efforts about the resignation, and on light there is important for Dostoevsky's destiny an official document — "Certificate" on a condition of its health in which doctor Ermakov fixes history of its illness.: «… I testified together with the shtabs-captain of this battalion Bahirevym of the ensign of the same battalion of Feodor Mihajlova Dostoevsky at what it has appeared: years to it from a sort 35 (actually — 36; the mess occurred to its age constantly. — N. N) A constitution mediocre, in 1850 has for the first time undergone to an epilepsy attack (Epilepsia) which was found out: screaming, potereju consciousnesses, spasms of finitenesses and persons, penoju before a mouth, hripuchim breath, with the small, reduced pulse. The attack proceeded 15 minutes. Then the general weakness and consciousness return followed. In 1853 this attack has repeated and since then is in the end of each month. Now Mr. Dostoevsky feels the general weakness of forces in an organism at the exhausted constitution and chastovremenno (here the word is found! — N. N) suffers nervnoju a pain of the person owing to organic suffering of a brain. Though Mr. Dostoevsky used from an epilepsy almost constantly within four years, but simplification has not received. That is why service of its majesty cannot continue … » In the beginning of March 1858 ensign Dostoevsky writes-submits II application on resignation addressed to Alexander. It as a matter of fact the first short autobiography of the writer-petrashevtsa written on the standard official form with a cap-reference, obviously showing, that lackeys-vernopodannye truly appeal-appeal to the deputy of the God on the earth, to the Ruler of destinies: «Vsepresvetlejshy, derzhavnejshy, a great sovereign Emperor Alexander Nikolaevich, The autocrat All-Russia, a sovereign the most gracious!. » Any insignificant ensign could and not disturb attention of "most gracious" (strange, however, that all these loud epithets on the official form are printed from lower case letters!), but destinies of political criminals which still could be counted in those days on fingers, a sovereign-father should solve personally. However, Alexander hardly had pleasure personally to read the application-autobiography of the exiled of the writer which will start to interest the autocrat and its nearest environment already later, on a decline of the life and creativity. While Dostoevsky's destiny dared in long corridors and uncountable offices of a staff of the Siberian case, the Military ministry, III Branch e. And. Century of office, Auditoriatsky department. Exactly year lasts correspondence between these state offices which quite could make weighty volume. As a result of intense work of military and gendarme officials the order for dismissal of ensign Dostoevsky from military service is born the second lieutenant on light. It is thought, Feodor Mihajlovicha has not especially afflicted, that as a result of all these petrashevsko-katorzhno-exiled of scrapes it has gone down in a military rank (before arrest as we remember, it had a rank of the lieutenant), but here spoilt some holiday of clearing that the special order to it forbade entrance to Petersburg and Moscow. And still the writer did not know, did not know, that behind it confidential supervision and opening of this mean circumstance in some years will be established will spoil to it of blood and nerves much. But now, during that moment, the main thing — freedom! Away from hated dusty Semipalatinsk! Long live Russia! If it is impossible to live in capitals then to be arranged more close to one of them or it is better to both. Dostoevsky chooses a residence ancient Tver: in one party you will look — a spike darling Petropavlovki to see (in imagination, it is final); in another you will look — Ivan Velikogo's dome sparkles! The family starts to prepare for departure from Siberia. 5 But here for a long time already rest to Feodor Mihajlovichu was not given by a problem from problems — with what to go to Russia?. <<<(P. 9) (P. 11)>>>
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© Rosedkin Sergey Nikolaevich, 2001
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