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P. 4	Dostoevsky's suicide (Continuation) PART THE FIRST The chapter I The small hero, or the First debut 1 Children till five-six years do not reflect at all on death. Naturally, and — not samoubivajutsja. There are happy people whom and long years, up to present vzroslosti do not reflect on the vital end, especially, if live outwardly safely and do not face death face to face, anybody at them from near relations did not die, and in general they never close saw a dead body, a corpse, transitory human remains. Certainly, it is a question of last far time. As it is separated interpretation of slóva-concept "death" in dictionaries Dalja and Ozhegova, taken by an epigraph to the given research, so raznitsja and the relation to death of the person of the last century and a century present. Clearly, that the modern child, already from three-year age looking-swallowing every day insurgents yes horror films on the TV, absolutely differently perceives blood and absolutely differently concerns sacrament of death. For it blood human — voditsa, and in death no sacrament is present, there is only amusing acrobatics, fascinating circus with shooting and streams of a red liquid. So we will remember, that speech at us will go about a century the nineteenth when the concept "death" meant «razluchenie souls with a body» and was sacrament from sacraments. And so, to small Fede Dostoevsky, as well as its brothers-sisters, in this plan, it is possible to tell, fatally has not carried. They grew in the atmosphere overflowed with physical sufferings, a pain, blood and uncountable death. The father of family Michael Andreevich Dostoevsky served as the doctor to the Moscow Mariinsky hospital for the poor. For accuracy we will note — Mariinsky it will receive a name only in 1828 when Fede will be already almost seven years. But it is not so important. And here one of word interpretation "bozhedom" («the Divine house»), on Dalju, — «a sort witness marks in a separate part of a cemetery where bury <…> bodies poor, poor, wanderers, also the victims who have suddenly died, found dead, killed is important and mnogoznamenatelno that the hospital settled down on okrainnoj to the Moscow street Bozhedomke, and and (it is underlined! — N. N) Suicides ». Here, in the right wing of hospital where doctor Dostoevsky lived with family, and it was possible to be born to the future writer on October, 30th (on November, 11th n. The item) 1821. A wing, a building of the hospital, a hospital court yard and a garden — here the world-space of the first children's years. More than the strict and severe father did not permit to children to leave on street, to be played-communicate with contemporaries. But also it is not enough of it. It is possible even for the child to get used in any measure to strangers uvechjam, blood, the usual death making hospital atmosphere, but there was an incident which so has shaken small Feodor, that he will recollect it with shudder in the evening of life. Shortly before the death it in salon And.  P.Filosofovoj told: «When I in the childhood of veins in Moscow in hospital for poor <…> where my father was the doctor, I played with the girl (a daughter of the driver or the cook). It was the fragile, graceful child of years of nine. When she saw a flower which is making the way between stones always spoke:“ Look, what beautiful, what kind floret! ”And here any drunk bastard has raped this girl, and she has died, bleeding profusely. I remember <…> me have sent for the father to other wing of hospital, the father has come running, but was already late …». If Dostoevsky has taken in head to write "Childhood" it, possibly and most likely, would turn out less gloomy on colour, than future "Childhood" of "a petrel of revolution» Maxim Gorkogo, but also such kind, sweet and sentimental like L.Tolstoy's "Childhood" , would not be exact. Yes, Dostoevsky has not tested in the childhood of hunger and a severe beating as small Alyosha Peshkov, it at all did not punish birches as Nikolenku Irtenyev (Lyovenku Tolstoy), but a condition of original house prison, it is necessary to think, not too delivered pleasures much. Andrey Mihajlovich, the younger brother of the writer, recollected, how to it, to Andrey, it was necessary every day for two hours while the father slept-had a rest after a dinner, to drive away from it flies, and, God forbid, if though one fly "father" bites. Whether it was necessary to "have a good time" in a similar way in the childhood to Feodor — it is not known, but Andrey mentions, for example, as big brothers were afraid of lessons of Latin which was taught to them by personally father. Still! Teenagers during all time of a lesson should stand navytjazhku and constantly wait: just about "father" will flare up, that by all means and there was nearly each employment … After many years, in the end of 1876, already being the known writer, Dostoevsky has received among other the letter from the assistant to the inspector of the Kishinev spiritual academy  M.A.Yurkevich who informed on the tragical event which has excited all Kishinev: the 12-year-old pupil of a local programmar school did not know a lesson and has been punished — left at school to five o'clock in the evening. The boy was resembled-poslonjal on a class room, has found a cord, has adhered to a nail and — udavilsja-was hung up. Yurkevich knew, to whom and what for wrote-described «small tragedy» — the author of "the Diary of the writer» extremely was interested in suicides, and suicides of children — in particular. And it is valid, in the first, January, release "DP" for 1877 Dostoevsky gives to the Kishinev event the whole section of chapter 1 under the name "Birthday man". And it begins it so: « Whether you “remember the Childhood and adolescence” count Tolstoy? There there is one boy, the hero of all poem … »and further Dostoevsky reminds-draws Nikolenki Irtenyev's psychological portrait, especially in detail stopping on an episode when that was guilty on a family holiday concerning a name-day of sister and it have punished — have locked in a dark closet. And here Nikolenka, pending rozog, starts to dream-dream, as he suddenly will suddenly die, adults will find out its cooling down corpse, will start to cry, regret over it him and to reproach-reproach each other with its sudden tragical death …« extremely serious psychological etude over the children's soul, surprisingly written », — the author of" the Diary of the writer »sums up-ascertains. And this confidence of tone eloquently testifies, that Dostoevsky knows, about what he says, that not by hearsay, not only from books and from other people represents, of what the boy already punished or even in expectation of inevitable punishment can dream impressionable, with richly developed imagination. And let it in the childhood did not punish birches, but the anger of the father already in itself was terrible punishment. About, this desire a bitter, shameful, insulting, plaintive minute to revenge all world, all these to severe adults own sudden death, — this thought on suicide in the passive form (to take and to die unexpectedly!) which likes to visit children's not strong brains, for certain flickered-flashed time and again and in small Fedi Dostoevsky's head. By the way, to it it was not too obligatory, working over the head "Birthday man" to take as an example of the small hero of count Tolstoy. He quite could remember own products for not once or twice excited boys and girls in its stories and novels dream of own sudden  destruction in the same way as Nikolenka Irtenyev. Still in «netochke nezvanovoj» (in a magazine version) small the Chest so unbearable to live, that he dreams to escape on a tomb to the mammy and there to die. Trinadtsatiletnjaja nelli from «Humiliated and offended» in what does not put the life, even declares-confirms, that wishes to die and eventually in the novel ending really dies. Aglaja from "Idiot" admits, that in the childhood of times thirty thought to poison. Liza, the daughter Trusotsky from «the Eternal husband» (eight years of all!) It wished to be thrown out a malicious minute from a window. Unfortunate cripple Liza Hohlakova («Brothers Karamazovy») though already almost and the adult maiden (14 years), but on behaviour still the real child, exclaims with conviction: «I will kill myself because to me all is disgusting! I do not wish to live …», — and then seriously threatens Alyoshe Karamazov that will poison if that immediately does not pass its note to the brother Ivan. Romanticist Victor Hugo has dropped somehow (in «the Person who laughs») a phrase-aphorism: «… to children that way of breaking of a prison door which is called as suicide» is unknown. Realist Dostoevsky repeatedly in the creativity as though corrected-denied highly valued for them the French writer: yes, to babies, maybe, such monstrous way of disposal of penal servitude of a life and not a permission, but here to children, teenagers — as much as necessary. And, they are capable to lose a life not only for really catastrophic reason, as Matryosha, victim Stavrogina in "Demons", but also, apparently, because of a trifle, because of the absolute trifle. At least, so adults consider. They even do not aspire to understand this terrible phenomenon, or explain-interpret it superficially, absolutely, according to Dostoevsky, izvrashchyonno and it is wrong. In "Voice" from February, 21st, 1876 the message has flown, that in Kishinev for the unknown reason the pupil of real school was shot. The writer does this very day to a dung in a working writing-book with preparatory materials to «the Diary of the writer»: «About shot». It is possible to assume, that Dostoevsky has interested not only the fact of suicide podrostka-studying, but also here this ostensibly uncertainty of the reason. The little more than for a month before he in the same working writing-book under a special sign nota bene (notice well) has written down: «NB. On January, 19th. V.V. opinion . Gr <igore> va. We will cancel everywhere at schools corporal punishment, fine; but that, by the way, have reached? That in generation of our youth terrible cowards were many, are afraid of the slightest physical pain, and before, that at the slightest danger, threat or physical suffering, difficult lessons, examinations are now hung up. Became terribly weak …» So in detail enough having retold-having summarised judgement of the professor of the Moscow university and known publicist V.V . Grigoriev, Dostoevsky bitterly sneers: «it is valid, all to explain some similar cases with our young men edinstven <but> cowardice more correctly. But strange, however, the point of view on a subject …» the Theme, apparently, has strong touched the writer, has started to weary, torment, be formed in the publicistic text. To It, received in November of the same year Yurkevich's letter from Kishinev as though has closed a certain chain, became a link between the message of "Voice" on the pupil of real school shot in the same Kishinev and reasonings of professor Grigoriev that pupils are hung up only because of silly children's fear before punishment. Dostoevsky there and then marks in a note writing-book: «Yurkevich's Letter», — underlines it two lines (even dung NB, probably, it seemed to it insufficiently!) And there and then states in brief an essence of the opinion: not in points (that is not in an estimation and fear of punishment) the reason, and all business — in the reeled family, in wrong education. In December number "DP" Dostoevsky a lot of attention gives to a suicide theme, but the Kishinev cases does not mention, however in a working writing-book in the end of December again makes short entry: «Suicide of the boy (the economic reasons)». The given record obviously concerns Yurkevich's letter. The writer, apparently, already then has decided to write about suicide of children, schoolboys separately and in detail. But in the letter to Yurkevich from January, 11th, 1877 Dostoevsky, having thanked it for the message of the fact of suicide of the child and underlining, that «the fact is very curious, and, undoubtedly, it is possible to tell about him something», is there and then warned-is justified — so soon it to make it will not turn out: «… recently I spoke about suicides already enough, and it is necessary to wait …» It is possible to present, as Yurkevich who has just received the letter of Dostoevsky when has opened a hot "DP" for January was surprised and has seen-has read the head "Birthday man". And the following has turned out: on January, 29th, two-three days prior to an exit of January "Diary", the censor has removed-has forbidden to a central board «Olden time about“ petrashevtsah ”» from the second chapter. To Dostoevsky remains nothing how to sit down to table and in an express mode to write-create new to a central board in the size to three printing pages. The message of "Voice", V.V. reasoning . Grigoriev,  M.A.Yurkevich's letter  ,  L.N.Tolstoy's story  and, undoubtedly, own impressions of the childhood smeshalis-have incorporated, therefore there was a remarkable pedagogical chapter "DP" — "Birthday man". Some details-circumstances of the Kishinev tragedy (under Yurkevich's letter) are simply amazing. Well, for example, the small suicide was this day the birthday man. Whether therefore it was still recollected to Dostoevsky Nikolenka Tolstoy, too punished on family-imeninnom joyful holiday? It is more than that, the same day the father of the schoolboy as it is told in the letter of the correspondent, «the person very strict» was the birthday man also., probably, such strict, that, despite a double holiday, without any indulgence would punish Mishu (so called the boy). At least, that in it droplets did not doubt. And here still characteristic, expressive and absolutely, it is possible to tell, in Dostoevsky's style a detail: with a loop the grammar-school boy has adhered a cord to a nail on which the so-called gold or red board (in a present way — the Honour roll) and which ordinary hung as specially for something that day have removed and have carried away. The author of the letter from Kishinev to the writer-psychologist himself is not alien psychological descriptions-assumptions: «Where the suicide reason? The boy of violence and zveronravstva did not show, studied in general well, only at the class instructor recently has received some unsatisfactory marks, for as has been punished <…>. Perhaps, with children's delight the young birthday man dreamt of how he will be met by houses mother and the father, brothers, little sisters … And here, sit one-odinyoshenek, hungry in the empty house and deliberate terrible anger of the father which should be met, about humiliation, shame, and perhaps, and punishment which is necessary perenest. To finish most with itself(himself) he knew About possibility (and who from children of our time does not know it) …» It is extremely significant mimohodnoe the note in brackets about already become every day, an everyday occurrence a children's suicide. And further the assistant to the inspector from Kishinev Yurkevich does conclusions professors of the Moscow university of Grigoriev in many respects coinciding with opinion: whether «Not too it is much given values — to the two, units, gold and red boards, on nails from which pupils are hung up? Whether not too it is a lot of formalism and dry callousness it is brought at us in education business?.» Dostoevsky, starting own comments-conclusions, spends at once the thought already fixed by him in a working writing-book: business not in the two, points and excessive severity — all it and was before, but did without suicides … However, what for to retell Dostoevsky, — here the abstract of its reasonings: «An episode from" Adolescence "column Tolstoy I took from similarity of both cases, but there is also a huge difference. Undoubtedly, birthday man Misha has killed itself not for a rage and not from fear only. These both feelings — both a rage, and painful cowardice — are too simple and most likely would find an outcome in itself. However, really could affect and fear of punishment, especially at painful suspiciousness (which, it is necessary to notice in passing, very much even was inherent in Feodor Mihajlovichu all his life! — N. N), but nevertheless the feeling could be and it is thus much more difficult, and besides very much can be, that there was something like that count Tolstoy has described, that is suppressed, yet conscious children's questions, strong sensation of any oppressive injustice, hypochondriac early and suffering sensation of own negligibility, painfully developed question:" Why me so all do not like ", passionate desire to force to regret about themselves, that is the same, that passionate desire of love from all of them, — and set, set of other complications and shades. The matter is that this or that of these shades by all means were, but — there are also lines of any new validity, absolutely another already than what was in calmed and is firm, long since developed Moscow landowner family of the sredne-higher circle which historian were at us count Lev Tolstoi <…>. There is here, in this case with the birthday man, one especial line of already absolutely our time. The boy of count Tolstoy could dream, with painful tears of the weakened affection in a shower, how they will enter and will find him dead and will start to like it, to regret and to blame. He even could dream and of suicide, but only dream: The strict system of historically developed family of noble family would respond and in the twelve years child and would not finish its dream to business, and here — has dreamt, and has made. I, however, noticing it, not about one only speak to present epidemic of suicides. Something is felt, that here not that the huge part of Russian system of a life remained at all without supervision and without the historian. At least, clearly, that the life of the sredne-higher our circle of noble family so brightly described by our fiction writers, is already too insignificant and isolated corner of Russian life. Who will be the historian of other corners <…>? » Let's interrupt on this place for conversation leaves aside from our theme a little. We will recollect only, that Dostoevsky the problem of a place and a literature role during society lives, its own mission as sharply excited the writer, difference of its creative method from L.Tolstoy, Goncharov's methods , Turgeneva. Setting here these questions, the author of a "Crime and punishment", in effect, for itself on them has answered for a long time: yes, it also was in the then literature «the historian of other corners» current life where «epidemic of suicides» became an everyday occurrence. Certainly, the family of the doctor and small landowner M.A.Dostoevsky in any way could not be carried to the category of the "sredne-higher" circle with historically developed foundations of noble family, therefore if Feodor Mihajlovich, feverishly, in haste writing down-composing a central board "Birthday man", and identified itself in memoirs with one of two small heroes of article, that, for certain, — not with the spoilt Nikolenkoj Irtenyev. Naturally, there is a question: paternal Fedja Dostoevsky if he dreamt not once or twice (and he dreamt, he should dream — with its nature!) how Nikolenka Irtenyev, about sudden self-destructive death, did not take, and has not finished to the end gloomy dreams, how grammar-school boy Misha?. About it and speech, about it also will go conversation at us. 2 Yes, the childhood and Dostoevsky's adolescence the easy and cloudless you will not name. More likely — on the contrary. But there were three rays of light in this dark kingdom which rendered the most vivifying and salutary influence on Feodor: « The kind mammy »(so he addresses to it in the children's letters), senior brother-pogodok Michael and — the Literature. Maria Fyodorovna Dostoevskaja — poetical, liking the literature, music, able to express the thoughts and feelings on a paper (in letters) and, unlike the husband, cheerful and sociable nature, infinitely kind and tender. The happiest periods in the childhood of children of Dostoevskys were months which they spent in the small village Gratuitous alone with mother: the father remained in a city, and far from it dogljada it was permitted to frolic in plenty and to be played-communicate with rural children. Michael who was born all on year before Feodor, was-was for it the most native and spiritually close friend-companion. On the same Andrey's memoirs, big brothers in the childhood were literally unseparable. Well, and the Literature (from the big letter) has replaced, in essence, for small Fedi all world, is more correct — has opened this immense external world with all its ups and downs, struggle of passions; the world where people are born, fall in love, marry, meanness and heroic acts make, die of decrepitude in bed, perish valorously in fight and … samoubivajutsja. Yes, it is quite probable, that small Fedja from books for the first time has heard-has learnt, that the person can-is capable itself, voluntary interrupt the life. — has heard. In Dostoevsky's family evening readings aloud were obligatory ritual. And among the products read for children alternately those by "mammy" "father", was, for example, Karamzin's story «Poor Liza» which heroine from the unfortunate scolded love has rushed to a pond … Hardly later, when to Feodor was already eleven, it has closely faced the real fact when the person, it is possible to tell, has voluntary gone on death, on  destruction. One of peasants Dostoevskys, Arhip, has taken in head to scorch in is terrible-windy day at itself on a court yard of a wild boar, there was a fire and has burnt down almost all seltso Gratuitous. Andrey Mihajlovich, recollects, that «the originator of a trouble has burnt down also, Arhip which has run in a burning log hut something to rescue and there and remained». This strange expression «and there also remained» looks significantly: if to imagine a condition of the serf who has burnt an ancestral lands strict and even of the severe owner-landowner it is possible and to assume, that it nesprosta «there and remained», and that in Dostoevsky's family there could be conversations on conscious suicide unfortunate Arhipa … Meanwhile, at 12-year-old age (age of the Mishi-grammar-school boy from Kishinev) Feodor from a house casemate, gets to a jail, barracks of half board Sushara, and then and closed board Chermaka. The given comparisons-epithets, maybe, also are too emotional, but that at Dostoevsky gloomy enough memoirs were saved about this period of his life on advantage is authentic. It is connected with the first collisions with a society, the first sufferings arising from dialogue with people. Subsequently it will find reflexion in "Teenager" – Arcady Dolgoruky does not feed the slightest kind feelings to «pansionishke Tushara» where has spent some years, for then companions on study. About the usages reigning in similar institutions, it is possible to judge at least on Andrey Dostoevsky's studying in board Kistera frank exclamation-recognition: « There are no those mucks, there is no that mean defect to which innocent boys who have again arrived from why house <…> about those uproars which were made between the boys locked without everyone supervision would not be learnt, even it is a shame to me and it was ashamed to tell not only to parents, but even to big brothers! »It is possible to think, brothers all it did not see and have not tested. And the daily routine in same board Chermaka was almost that barracks: lifting in 6, and in winter at 7 o'clock, a morning pray, then till 12 o'clock employment, a lunch break, and again employment till 18 evenings, after a mid-morning snack from 19 o'clock — repetition of lessons (as though homework performance), at 22 o'clock a supper, evening prays and a release … For romanticheski the adjusted boy, liking to read and dream, — a mode more than strict and intolerable. Dostoevsky's gloomy memoirs on school days in boards were splashed out and in exclamations of the Underground person: «the Damnation on this school, on these awful unbearable (it is necessary to underline-allocate! — N. N) years!» And after all the epithet "unbearable" is used by the writer who has more recently passed the present penal servitude. Still бóльшую the melancholy was tested-felt by Dostoevsky in Engineering school where the father without objections everyone, certainly, from their party has defined it and Michael. But before it the future writer tests-worries one behind another two shocks: almost simultaneously die to infinitely expensive two it of the person — Pushkin perishes on duel and suddenly Maria Fyodorovna dies of a consumption. And it besides not exaggeration: really, not less than death of the adored mammy by accident became for Dostoevsky-teenager and death bogotvorimogo to them of the poet. The message about it has reached Dostoevsky's family with delay, already after Maria Fyodorovny's funeral (which, by the way, was practically coeval Pushkin, has died on 37th year). Andrey testifies, that «brothers hardly from mind did not descend, uslysha about this death». Moreover: « Brother Feodor in conversations with the big brother some times repeated, that if we did not have a family mourning he would ask of a permission to be in mourning after Pushkin … » Till that time Feodor could not lose close people, short of sister Ljubochki who was born in 1829 (to it there was then only an eighth year) and has lived on light of all some days, yes grandfather Feodor Timofeevicha Nechaeva (the father of mother) who has died two and a half a year later after Ljubochki, — but he lived separately and, of course, person especially close to the boy was not. And here these two successively shocks connected with death of rather native and originally close people, already at conscious age, possibly, also have called Feodor's strange illness — it has lost a voice. Hvor was so persistent, that did not give in to any treatment. Here it has appeared it is powerless both the father-doctor, and its companions-colleagues on hospital. Strange inexplicable illness (the diagnosis and have not established) was are gone-has stopped too strange, suddenly, as soon as big brothers Dostoevskys were started up in a way-road for study to Petersburg. Only till the end of a life Feodor Mihajlovicha still had voice «not absolutely natural, — more chest, rather than followed». And, by the way, there were numerous certificates of the contemporaries who were present at public statements of the writer in the end of his life, that its voice was weak, cracked, but rendered absolutely bewitching, inexplicable influence on an audience. Speech, certainly, goes not only that he read-said, but also — as. Whether was this inexplicable, literally hypnotic influence of its voice on people in any measure a consequence of that nursery strange, most likely — nervous, illnesses? However, Dostoevsky explained the gift of the reader-charovnika rather simply: «Unless I a voice read?! I nerves read!.» If about Dostoevsky's stay in boards its only indirect memoirs-impressions dissolved in art texts years of study in the Main engineering school we can judge more directly under his letters of that time and memoirs of eyewitnesses were saved. To begin that the destiny has there and then separated it from the brother. And after all it is possible to guess, that in boards Sushara and CHermaka nerazluchnost two brothers fine helped them to maintain all complexities-peripetias of kazyonno-collective hostile atmosphere. And here Michael was rejected by physicians, have not allowed even to take examinations, and Feodor has appeared in another's barracks world one-odinyoshenek. What there to speak about Dostoevsky, when even such cheerful person, as D.  V.Grigorovich — the known writer, and during that time also the pupil of Engineering school — already in the evening of life, it is possible to tell, with loathing recollected: «the First year in school was for me a continuous torment. Even now, when me divides from this time of more semicentury, I can not recollect him without burdensome feeling; and to it promoted severity of disciplinary relations of the heads to pupils, marshirovka and ruzhistika not so much, it is not so much even difficulty of the doctrine in the classes, how much new companions with whom it was necessary to live in one walls, to sleep in one rooms. To present difficultly that in state, and besides military-training, an institution there could be customs, possible unless in the most wild society …» And further Grigorovich zhivopisuet these "customs": over beginners or as them called — rjabtsami, scoffed refined and ruthlessly. Poured, for example, waters in bed or for a collar, forced to pinch language svezheprolitye ink, to grabble under a table and thus whipped, exhausting rjabtsa back under a table on what popadja the braided plaits … And if what daredevil vzdumyval to be indignant and delivery to give — there and then beat so, that the poor fellow pulled down in an infirmary where, certainly, he should tell supposedly has simply fallen from a ladder and itself rasshibsja. For some reason Grigorovich has not written detailed physiological «Sketches of Engineering school» by an example «Sketches bursy» Pomjalovsky (though had talent natural ocherkista), but also from these short memoirs the picture appears oppressing — more gloomy dedovshchiny in modern army. Or, can, coddled barin's son Grigorovich has exaggerated owing to the fictional imagination? Yes is not present, here at least one more opinion — more reserved, but with not less bitter colour-implied sense —  K.A.Trutovskogo, the artist (the author of a portrait young, 26-year-old, Dostoevsky), too the schoolmate of the writer on Engineering school: «… the first year of receipt in school was for the beginner year of full lawlessness and submission to the senior pupils. There was a custom, that all senior pupils had the full right to order to beginners, and those should execute their orders implicitly. Any resistance to their order or independence display have been punished by them sometimes very severely …» Atmosphere of school promoted spiritual development and formation of teenagers really a little. Dostoevsky in letters to the father, naturally, not too is frank about atmosphere and customs of environment into which "father" has violently pushed it, but nevertheless and in them which-what information to reflexion is sliped-is read: «the Kindest father! <…> imagine, that since early morning see you in the evening we in classes hardly have time to watch lectures. In the evening we not only have no free time, but even minutes <…>. Us send on fruntovoe the doctrine, to us give lessons of fencing, dances, penja in which nobody dares not to participate. At last, put in sentry <…>. Thanks God, I get used gradually to local life; about companions I can tell nothing good …» Last phrase it is filled with the deep, sated maintenance in the light of Grigorovich's memoirs and Trutovsky. So, mean system of humiliations and insults, a life after rather comfortable in the household plan of house conditions in kazarmenno-soldier's, moreover and extremely gloomy walls of the Mihajlovsky lock (where at the beginning of the century emperor Paul I has been brutally killed, and its shade as though wandered — for certain shy beginners of it frightened), infinite shagistika which at all was not given to conductor Dostoevsky (at 12-mark system of marks it for «fruntovuju service» had all from 2 to 4 points!) And here also the problem which will pursue then the writer all his life — money has pulled hard for the first time heavy nervomotatelnaja. More correctly — their chronic absence. Before receipt in school Dostoevsky at all did not know, that such money and is accordingly absolutely not skilful, has not learnt with them to address. And this party of a new, independent life from the very beginning drove him literally to despair. Though, at first sight, its monetary trouble seem small and even decided. Messmates, for example, to the next parade-review were reserved by new own shakos, and Feodor starts to be afraid, as though its "state" (it is visible — more modestly a kind) the shako was not evident to the tsar on traditional parade. It was necessary to buy new for 25 roubles, on last money so to «the kindest father» the desperate request flies: money, for God's sake, though there are some money! Without them the life is literally inconceivable! (The letter from June, 5th, 1838) Entreaties about money will sound from the letter in the letter, but it is possible to consider as deification of this theme of a line from the message to the father which Feodor has begun on May, 5th, 1839: «… Write, the kindest father, that not at money and that be unable already send me though something to camps. Children understanding the relations of the parents, should divide with them all pleasure and a grief; children should bear need of parents quite. I will not demand from you much. That; not piv to tea, you will not die from hunger. I will live somehow! But I ask from you though something to me on boots in camps; because there it is necessary to be reserved by it. But we will terminate it … » But we will terminate it!. What latent reproach to the father, what underlined self-sacrifice. Literary critics argue (in particular,  V.S.Nechaeva from  B.I.Bursovym), whether are these and next lines-experiences from young Dostoevsky's letter a basis of known arrogant exclamation-motto of the hero «Notes from an underground» that supposedly let is the best a this world in tartarary will fail, but only to it to tea to get drunk. Not very well, who was the rights from respectable dostoevskovedov, the main thing that there is a subject for polemic. Tea for Dostoevsky throughout all his life played a role not only the most favourite drink, but also what criterion-border of-any well-being. If the person to tea does not have, it at all poverty, it is poverty; and poverty is precisely as will formulate later in "Crime and punishment" Marmeladov, defect. Further, misters, there is no place more! And so, having left while a tea sharp theme, Feodor writes further in detail about brother Mishe, about uselessness of a science of mathematics, about the inescapable love to Latin language (kakovomu as we remember, its "father" learnt — how not to like!) and other abstract things. But this letter to send at once it was not possible, and on May, 10th Dostoevsky writes before sending and puts in an envelope in addition one more, not less vast letter. And here here the tea theme emerges again and already on new — desperately-tragical, it is possible to tell — the sounding note: «<…> Lovely, kind my parent! Really you can think, that your son, asking from you the monetary help, asks from you superfluous. <…> be I on an ox, on freedom, it is given to itself (and it is read between lines: if, father, you have not put me here, in this« engineering prison »! — N. N), I would not demand from you copeck; I would grow roots with zheleznoju nuzhdoju. <…> Will or bondage, and I should be conformed quite to charters of my present society <…> a camp life of each pupil of military schools 40 rivers of money demand at least. (I write you all it because I speak with my father). I do not switch on such requirements In this sum, as for example: to have tea, sugar and so forth It and without that it is necessary, and it is necessary not from one decency, and from need. When you become wet in crude weather under a rain in linen tent, or in such weather, having come with uchenja tired, cold, without tea it is possible to be ill; that with me happens last year on a campaign. But all the same I, respecting your need, will not drink to tea … » It is possible to present only, what point of melancholy despair was reached by Feodor persistently to prick and reproach the father this ill-fated tea. And it is quite probable — despair it, this inflation of tone of the letter was exaggerated, hypertrophied, even hysterical. For example, future known geographer-traveller P.P.Semyonov-Tjan-Shansky  who in a youth studied at military school Guards podpraporshchikov and cavalry cadets and was in summer camps in Peterhof nearby to camps of the Main engineering school, writes in memoirs: «I lived in one with it (Dostoevsky. — N. N) Camp, in the same linen tent which has defended from tent in which it was (we then were not familiar yet), all only in twenty sazhens of distance, and did without some the tea (the state gave at us in the mornings and to evenings, and in Engineering school once a day), without own sapogov, being content state, and without a chest for books though I read them not less, than F. M.Dostoevsky. So, all it was not the valid requirement, and became not to lag behind other companions at whom were both the tea, and the boots, and the chest … »simply However, to us that is now important not, could actually or Dostoevsky in camps without tea could not manage, that he has been assured is important — could not, well could not in any way! And, accordingly, — suffered. Lines with them, with crude weather and colds, but here slanting usmeshlivye sights of comrades in arms at poverty-poverty bezchajnuju — whether with its character to take out was! Further tone of its letter becomes directly persevering and even categorical: I demand only supposedly on the most necessary — on boots, on a chest for personal things … About a chest the whole poem in prose is written-is created: what for the chest is necessary, what chest is necessary, why on preservation it will be necessary to hand over it and for it besides to pay «the conditional rate». There and then arithmetic calculations of the general most the most necessary (without tea-sugar) expenses privodjatsja-develop a column and it turns out: whether to light to fail, and still at least by June, 1st «the kindest father» to send 25 roubles is simply obliged. Otherwise it is impossible — position bezvyhodnejshee, despair the uttermost. You will involuntarily think: and what would happen-has occurred, if the father ignores the request of the son, has given up in the monetary help? The person in despair exaggerates weight of the position and is ready at times on precipitate and most mad acts — up to the most extreme. He is Dostoevsky then will convincingly depict-will show on an example of destinies of other heroes … In the answer Michael Andreevich sends the letter (from May, 27th, 1839), overflowed with such emotions, complaints-reasons to poverty-poverty and hidden, besides between lines (family-family style!) reproaches to the son for excessiveness of requirements and inexcusable wastefulness, that Feodor's letter in comparison with the fatherly can seem dry, fresh, without any emotions the message. "Father" zhivopisuet, that has again happened in village a poor harvest, hay-straw on a forage has not sufficed cattle also straw roofs from log huts have peeled in the winter, the awful drought has begun with the beginning of spring, and winter were lost, and it threatens not only ruin, but also the present hunger. However, it yet all: Michael Andreevich has so become impoverished, what not in a condition four years to buy a new dress and is compelled to go in shabby second-hand articles … But (like, the son!) "Father" has decided to wait with the needs and sends to Feodor 35 roubles bank notes — that is, it turns out, not only on a chest and boots, but also on tea with sugar … Truly it is possible to consider it as a fatherly feat. And a feat, it is possible to tell, — agonal for less than in a month Michael Andreevich Dostoevsky will die under rather mysterious circumstances: and it will not be precisely established — whether with it has happened in the field apopleksichesky blow, whether zamordovannye it serfs have helped the barin to die suddenly … 3 But here it is necessary to return hardly back and to recollect, that Feodor for half a year before hardly was has not killed own "father" … <<<(P. 3) (P. 5)>>>
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© Rosedkin Sergey Nikolaevich, 2001
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